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Please Stop Talking

Sometimes I think I’d like to figure out whatever look or vibe I have that invites random people to say words to me. So I can disable that function.

After our North Mountain Dehydration Session Saturday, Rogue and I collapsed at the picnic tables outside of the convenience store with all of our rehydration methods. And random dude sits down behind me with his pizza and starts telling me about his mom visiting and he took her up to Brushy Mountain because he doesn’t get to see her much because she lives in Hillsville and it was such a perfect day and he loves her and …

Why. Why are you telling me things.

I’m not a chatty person.

And when I do “chat,” I tend to kind of rush through whatever I’m trying to say so I don’t bore or annoy my audience. And the rushing tends to force my mouth to work quicker than my brain. Which is a big part of the reason I get all awkward and nonsensical during extended conversations.

Because there are, like, three different conversations happening in my head while I’m trying to hold a real world communication.

And it’s not like Rogue. Who also has multiple conversations running in her head at all times. But is able to also hold intelligent, lucid real world communications with pretty much anyone. Don’t get me wrong, she’s gonna switch up the topics on you every few seconds, because that’s what her brain is doing to her, so you’ve gotta be on your game to keep up. But I like to think of it as brain training to stave off my early onset dementia.

My conversations are just my brain shouting at my brain to hurry up and finish making words. They look bored. Do they look bored? Yes. They are definitely uninterested in what you’re saying. But you’re an intelligent person. They probably know that. Well they sure as hell don’t know it by the mouth sounds you’re producing right now. But what I have to say is important, too. I matter. Whatever. Now you’re wasting my time, too. You’re wasting everyone’s time. Just stop. Crap. Did I pay the electric bill?

So, I really try to avoid unnecessary conversations. Because talking is hard.

I’m not, say, Tiny Brazilian. Who managed to turn a 20 minute incident into a 40 minute story during HIIT class yesterday morning. (Something about elbows and fettuccine alfredo?)

Or Rogue. When she’s not succumbing to heat exhaustion and dehydration.

That’s probably why we mix so well.

Unless I’ve got something really interesting to say, which is rare, I’m a pretty quiet person.

So is Fall Risk.

Which I guess is what made us both so susceptible to Chatty Waitress this morning.

Because we were pretty content to enjoy our food in one another’s quiet company. We got our conversating out of the way before the meal. Which was super healthy, by the way. Fruit. And protein. And water. And maybe some other stuff, but let’s focus on the fruit and protein and water.

Chatty Waitress suggested that we stop all the working out and just become a waitress. Which is exactly what you want to say to two chicks who just came from 5am HIIT class. Because waitressing is basically strength training and cardio. So she is obviously way more in shape than we are.

At one point, she kind of tricked me into extending our conversation by asking me what I do for a living. Which is never a quick answer for me. Because I have to decide which living I want to respond with. Or do I want to share all of them. And regardless of which one I choose, the person inevitably responds with, “Oh, so you’re a teacher.” And then I have to say no. Except yes. Kind of. I mean, I teach. But I’m not a teacher. I teach some college classes. Online. But that’s not the same as being a teacher. I do work in a high school. Sometimes. But not teaching. And I also work in a GED program. But again, not as a teacher.

I think I’m going to start telling people I’m a shame researcher and see if that really does end conversations.

Because as I was drawing this unwanted conversation with Chatty Waitress out, Fall Risk was just staring at me like, “dude. what are you doing.”

I don’t know. I can’t make it stop.

And even when Chatty Waitress walked away from our table to process our checks, she kept talking.

So, I’ve had way more verbal communication than I am ever prepared for just in the 4 hours I’ve been awake this morning.

I would like to please just work on reports. Silently. For the rest of the day. Please.


Just reading and writing and running and looking for my happy place.


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