Accommodation Workout

Sooo…there’s a “ring of fire…” just hovering over southwest Virginia? And…we’re not…we don’t want to talk about end times yet…?

I mean, it is summer, in Virginia, so I guess that makes sense…

And I thought I’d escaped public education.

The world of 504’s and IEPs.

I was wrong.

Because my plan was 5pm Full Body day. At PlayFITStayFIT. Obviously.

Because even though my trainer spends a LOT of time telling me about how they do shit at other gyms. He still yells at me when I try to go to those other gyms.

He has a very complex relationship with his clients.

But then I was gonna meet GJB. After the gym. For a slow and very easy trail run. At 6:0 something. It’s never a normal time with him. Which I read somewhere was a smart way to remember appointments. By setting them at weird times. But it’s not. Because I never remember his times.

But the point is. I told J-Vicious that I’d have to leave by 5:50. To make it to my run.

I was just trying to head off any issues that might arise from me walking out of class before the end of the workout.

And also maybe just not have to do the last ten minutes of what appeared to be a total bullshit workout.

What happened instead. Was that J-V adjusted the interval times. To make the workout shorter.

And harder.

And way more bullshitty.

And then he spent the entire workout. Repeatedly telling everyone that they could thank Sunshine. For the increased bullshittiness of this workout. Because I required a time accommodation.

And dammit. My IEP doesn’t call for this!

At one point, D-Money looked over at me and quietly said, “So, this is your fault?”

Shhhhh D-Money. Just do your push ups.

And I was fully sweat-drenched. By the time we finished the workout. At 5:49.

So, I left with J-V looking a little too proud of himself.

And met GJB. To go do some dumbass shit. Like run up and down a mountain. While a ring of fire hovers over us.

At one point. We were walking. Not even power hiking. Just fucking walking. Up the mountain. And my heart rate was like, “bitch, you better get on your hands and knees and crawl. Or we gonna explode.”

Got to the top of the mountain. Where the Star is. And two women were there from out of town. And I offered to take their picture in front of the Star. Because shit like that is how I prove that I’m a good person. And that people like me.

“Oh no. I’m not photo ready. But I’ll take y’all’s picture if you want.”

And I was about to say yes. Just so she could see. That it was ok to have this image of me. Looking like actual death. Recorded for the world to see. 98% of my pictures are absolutely not camera ready pictures. Y’all don’t know. I could be a stunningly gorgeous creature underneath all the sweat and grime.

But GJB jumped in, “No thanks. We don’t even like each other.”

Which. I mean, I didn’t want one more picture in front of the Star.

I just…had a point to prove.

But also I was quickly approaching my melting point. And we still had two miles to go to get back to our cars.

And who knows what that ring of fire above us has planned.

So I followed him on back down the mountain.

To ice cold beer.

And I’m gonna need some help making sure my accommodations are right in my fitness IEP. Because that time accommodation did not help me at all.

But seriously. This ring of fire thing. Is that just another thing we accept as normal now? Like fire tornados and the natural destruction of an entire national park? (Which. Again. We did not do that.)

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