Totally Normal Jealousies

I didn’t used to think of myself as a jealous person.

Recent events have suggested that I may have a teeny tiny jealous streak in me.

Like, just a small, itty bitty, totally emotionally healthy jealous streak.

My quick “hmph” at my BFF’s post about how much she loves her best friend. Which is not me. I’m her BFF. Someone else is her best friend. It’s all very complex. I may have gotten in my feelings a bit. I mean, I haven’t seen her in months and months. And she only lives 50 feet away from me. But I swear that my “hmph” was quickly followed by appreciation that she has so many loving people in her life. Really. I’m a generous friend. (*still pouting*)

Running Partner and I went to Magical Erica Austin Yoga today, where I may have experienced more jealousy than relaxation. Erica is a hands on yoga teacher. You know? She does all of those little adjustments that make you make noises that probably you shouldn’t make in civilized society? She’ll massage your shoulders and neck. She does this really amazing pressy back thingy when you’re in child’s pose and downward dog.

I’ve heard Rogue propose marriage to her on several occasions.

And when the class is small enough, you get extra pressy back magic hands on time.

But generally you’re facing down, so you don’t really know when she’s stopping to pressy back magic hands on you. You know how in middle school the teacher would walk around the room looking for someone to go up to the chalk board and solve the impossible maths? And the whole time you’re thinking, “please don’t pick me. please don’t pick me. just keep walking.” Because first of all, maths. And second of all, they always did that when you were experiencing your special womanly time and at that age you’re not even close to being prepared to handle womanly time effectively and you just knew the back of your pants would announce to the entire class…

Anyway, so this is like the exact opposite of that. Like, you can feel her walking around the room and you’re thinking, “please pick me. please pick me. just stop walking.”

Except that Running Partner was all whiny at the start of yoga, complaining about his lower back. And then he pretends that he’s not flexible enough to get fully into the positions. So what happens is I feel magical Erica Austin walking behind me and I just KNOW that she’s gonna stop and pressy back hands on me … and then nothing. I feel nothing. Because Running Partner is getting all of her damn attention.

Right next to me.

So that I can see all of the time she’s spending pressy back hands onning him … while I’m over here trying to nudge her with my butt like a dog to get her attention.

I mean, she never ignores anyone. So, she did pressy back hands on me several times.

Just not as much as she did Running Partner.

Seriously. I’m gonna be so whiny next yoga.

And then there was the very visceral reaction I’ve had to all of those people pouring adoration onto my Rogue. Y’all damn close to making me pee on her. You just better step back.

And remember how I said that GJB was gonna start his own blog? My Van One Driver remembers. (And she IS my Van One Driver.) It’s possible I was starting to experience a little anticipatory jealousy at the potential that he may start to steal my followers. Not sure why since there was never any real threat of him following through on it. And anyway, blogging is my domain. So, instead we’re gonna give him his very own podcast. To spend the next four months talking about.

I’d like to say that it will be out soon. I installed the app on his phone. Running Partner and Endong and half of Corkwalker gave him all of the material he needed for his first episode. About today’s Reacharound Run… But if you don’t know him, he’s a little timid. So, we’re gonna spend some time working on his ego, helping him improve his self-esteem, and then hopefully we’ll have an epic GJB podcast by 2020.

Initially I told him he needed to team up with Rogue to produce the podcast together. But then I remembered my visceral jealousy. And I’m not sure how she’d actually handle me peeing on her. So, I think it’s probably best if it’s a solo show.

I feel like all of these feelings are totally normal. And appropriate.

3 responses to “Totally Normal Jealousies”

  1. Haha my whiny friend has given me some pointers! Great read and entertaining Sunshine.

    1. I think it’s important to share my experience and knowledge in the service of others. I’m a helper! (And a whiner.)

  2. If you had not already revealed your non – U.S. origins the use of the word “maths” would have made it obvious. Hope we get that Reacharound podcast.

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