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Fully Clothed and Fairly Comfortable

Got this message last night.

Seemed odd.

She said she found me in an outdoor group on the social medias.

And I guess something about my demeanor suggested that I have “outdoor survival skills…”

I think maybe it’s the number of trees I’m in pictures with. And that I haven’t died of a bear attack yet.


Or maybe I just look like a chick that likes to get naked in the woods?

Look, Rebecca. I’m probably not what you’re looking for. The idea of being stranded in the wilderness doesn’t scare me. There is no “afraid” in that idea for me.

Yesterday, I stood in the greeting card aisle of my local CVS for an hour trying to pick out a Valentines Day card for an actual man. That’s the stuff that scares me. I have zero clue how to do that.

Getting lost in the woods? Psht. I do that on the regular.

But wait, there will be food, though, right?

Because I will hit a point where cutting and cooking my fellow cast members will become a very real alternative to the threat of starvation.

And that point will come pretty quickly.

Plus, Rebecca, I’ve managed to live 44 years of my life, a few of them fairly questionably, without ending up on the YouTubes or other less reputable video sites. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna voluntarily strip down for the world now. I don’t care how much blurring you do.

But I feel like I may know a few people who would bring the entertainment value you’re looking for. So, I’ll do you a solid and put the word out.

Or maybe I’ll just start submitting names.

Y’all know who you are.


Just reading and writing and running and looking for my happy place.


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