Fall Risk Fitness Celebration

I just spent way too much time explaining to a random dude in Walmart why I am the way I am.

I mean, he started it. The explaining. After he started talking to me like I was his wife. Which I wasn’t. He figured that out.

“I’m sorry.”

“No you’re good.”

“I don’t usually look this rough.”

“Me either.”

“It’s all part of the life.”

(I don’t know what life.)

“Yeah, man. I get it. I mean, I actually do usually look this rough actually. It’s all part of my life. I run. Except not tonight. I went to PlayFITStayFIT tonight. I mean, we did run. But also did a bunch of other stuff. That’s why I smell this way. I’m sorry.”

“Huh.” Slowing moving back over to his female companion…

Yeah. Good choice, buddy.

I blame Fall Risk.

It’s her birthday week. So she made me go workout tonight. That’s her gift.

My suffering.

And chick had the nerve to get bitten by a poisonous spider and then try to use an emergency room visit as an excuse to miss class.

Seriously? I’ve encountered three rattlesnakes this month and you don’t see me getting bitten.


But guilt is a strong motivator. So she showed up. And went to urgent care after.

It started off ok. J-Vicious sent us outside to run to the bridge on the greenway. And then back.

And I saw all of the burpees that were happening in the 4 o’clock class. So I was gonna just keep running.

But Fall Risk made me come back. And do the actual workout.

It’s her damn birthday week.


J-Vicious split us into groups. Like he does. And wouldn’t let me be part of Fall Risk and B-Major’s group.

Because he likes to abuse his power.

And honestly, I think he’s a little threatened by our #leosunite movement.

No one is comfortable when Leos compromise and start working together.

They feel threatened by our infinite power.


I don’t need to be with my other Leos.

(Wait. We’re clear here when I say Leos, I’m referencing birth signs and not law enforcement. Right? Because I should never, ever have access to a weapon. Or arrest authority. I would abuse the hell out of that. I know my limits.)

So cool.

I could suffer through this with my non-Leo sisters in fitness.

Sooooo many burpees.

I’d like to point out here that Fall Risk actually messaged J-Vicious and requested battle rope burpees.

Like, she said please can we do this bullshit in celebration of my life.

Because I want the people celebrating my life to hate me…

Wish granted.

The last 15 minute circuit involved a run to the bridge again. Along with tire slams and ball slams. In rotation.

And I’m not gonna lie.

I was tired.

So I just ran. To the bridge. And back. And to the bridge again. And back again…

I was perfectly content to just do that until the end of class.

But J-Vicious apparently realized what I was doing.

And came outside.

Yelling at me like my mama. To get my ass back in the house.

Except he also closed the door on all of us.

The locked door.

I didn’t laugh at him.

You don’t laugh at your mama when she’s yelling at you.

Even if she does something stupid.

So I had to go all the way around the Dominos. Smelling all the pizza smells. To get back inside.

And Mama Vicious had the nerve to yell at me to start running.

But you just yelled at me to stop running!

I swear I don’t know what this dude wants from me.

So that’s how I ended up at the Walmarts. Smelling the way I was smelling. And looking the way I was looking. And apologizing to some random dude for who I am as a person.

Oh, and Fall Risk is fine.

They’re pretty sure she can keep most of her leg.

Which is good. She’s got my Mountain Junkies Sunshine Birth Celebration Fab 5k on Saturday. And we need her for Adult Field Day afterwards. She’s the PlayFITStayFIT Athletic Goddesses Team Captain. J-Vicious wants desperately to be an Athletic Goddess. But his resentment of the #leosunite movement does not reflect positive Athletic Goddess material.

One response to “Fall Risk Fitness Celebration”

  1. […] Sunshine continued to glare at me throughout the workout. Even when she was doing shit I had no part in picking. Whatever, she’ll get me back when I “run” her dumb birthday 5k this weekend. […]

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