Please Send Spoons

I haven’t talked to y’all in a minute.

I’m certain you’re aware of that. That you’ve been keenly aware of my absence. From your life.

I’d blame January.

Except January isn’t actually the issue. Not fully.

Mostly, y’all haven’t given me anything entertaining I can write about.

I mean, some of y’all have definitely given me entertainment.

Just not entertainment I can write about.


I understand discretion.

I mean, not for me.

I don’t do discretion for me.

For other people.

Your secrets are safe.

Mine belong to the world.

(Was that too dramatic? I’m doing the whole Forensics judging thing again tonight. Which I’m excited about. Except I’m not judging the first round. And there are five crockpots of chili in the room. And no spoons. And I’ve been told I can’t use my hands. And that I have to wait until the first round is done. To eat… so yeah. I’m dramatic.)

So, here’s the issue.

I’ve been pretty…slothy recently.

I haven’t engaged in a lot of physical activity.

(There’s a party box of chips in here. They won’t let me eat those either.)

I did manage to go out on a date over the weekend.

I know!


A real live man took me out on a date.

I can’t really say whether or not it went well.

Because I haven’t heard from him in a while.

But whatevs.

I went on a date.

(Another judge left and came back with yogurt. I don’t love yogurt. But I don’t love not having food more.)

I got in trouble with GJB regarding the date. Because I didn’t get prior approval.

Apparently me dating is similar to my North Mountain truce with OT.

I’m allowed to do it. But I have to notify Christmas Crew first.

In my defense, I did tell Rogue. I feel like it was kind of on her to pass that information along to OT and GJB.

I was busy prepping

(Seriously. Chick just came and took the box of chips away. She looked at me when she did it, too. Like she doesn’t know I’ll cut a bitch.)

Anyway. My point is that I’m trying to do the things again.

Like dating.

But also fitness.

I used to do fitness.

I’m trying to do fitness again.

I was gonna go to PlayFITStayFIT last night.

But J-Vicious wouldn’t tell me whether or not there would be a lot of jumping involved in the workout. Which is important. Because pee.

And Fall Risk had other things to do.

And GBFF…WHTBS wanted to go for a run.

No. Really. He wanted to run.

He asked to run…

Ok. No. So he didn’t so much ask me to run. As agreed to let me run with him.

But for real. He enjoys our friendship. He wants me to invite myself places.

And also I know how dangerous the greenway can be. Particularly headed towards SouthEast. So I accompanied him. So he wouldn’t get jumped.

And then when we were done. He spent the next hour telling everyone that he’d just run four miles.

(I don’t understand why we haven’t located spoons yet. How long are we supposed to sit here just staring at these crockpots of chili?)

One sweet girl even acted impressed by that. That we’d just run four miles.

(Honestly, I can just run to the store real quick. There’s a store right up the street. I’m sure they’ll have spoons.)

Seriously, though. It was a solid run.

Four miles is not nothing.

And I was feeling pretty good about it. Finally doing something active.

Until I got a message from J-Vicious.

With a screenshot of my Strava.

Asking me what this bullshit was.

I mean, I asked if there would be jumping…

And you ignored me…

And Fall Risk rejected me…

I don’t like to be ignored…

Or rejected…

So I went where I was wanted.

Or at least accepted.

(I’m pretty sure I have a spoon in my car…)

Anyway. If I ever get food. And survive this event. I’m gonna make my return to PlayFITStayFIT tomorrow.

Soooo…if anyone wants to join me…

And distract J-Vicious…

Maybe hide the punching bags…


It’s gonna be awful.

(But I may not make it. I may actually die here.)

(Please send spoons.)

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