“You need to relax.”
I can’t relax.
“Seriously. Just relax your body against me.”
I can’t relax my body. That’s why we’re in this situation.
“Dude. Just put your full weight on me and let me help you.”
“You’re still not relaxing.”
NewAtTin tries. She tries to care for me.
She just wanted to crack my back for me. Because I’d been whining about it for the last two weeks.
But so had she. And our other co-workers.
And they suggested that we must all be sleeping wrong.
And I just kind of motioned wildly to the office around us. Because…nah, bruh. I’m not taking responsibility for this one.
Education did this to us.
But also, I did my testing job for the first time this school year today.
I don’t even particularly like the actual work I do. I mean, standardized testing? And truancy?
Not awesome topics.
But I know that work.
I’m good at that work.
So, it felt good to actually be doing that work today.
I’m gonna say that’s because this stage of the process only requires me to interact with Tina Fey. And no one else.
So my brain gets to relax a bit. And focus on what it knows. Kind of.
So, because my brain was feeling relaxed. And practice was cancelled. My brain made the dumbass decision to go to PlayFITStayFIT. For Leg Day.
Sometimes my brain can’t be trusted.
But also. Strength training usually helps my shoulder stress knots.
So I was hopeful.
And then I saw J-Vicious.
And my brain started remembering past workout trauma. Like knee stand ups. And it started panicking. And trying to move us back to the door. We can’t be here…
But those weren’t on the board. So my brain started calming down.
And then Supportive Gym Partner piped up.
“And remember. You don’t have to do any exercises you don’t want to do.”
Ohhhh, you’re right. I can just refuse.
“Uhhhhh no. She’s a rule follower. She’s way too compliant.”
Damn. He’s right. And my leader isn’t here.
And then J-V called me something like an innocuous terrorist. I can’t remember his exact phrasing. Because I’m me. But it was something like that. Although we all know he doesn’t use words like innocuous. He’s probably looking that word up right now.
But then they all landed on the title keyboard warrior.
He probably knows those words.
That’s what I am.
A keyboard warrior.
With a fondness for profanity.
But when you go through your first leg day workout in two months. Profanity is all you have.
“Ohhhh. I run mountains. But I can’t do four laps of band slides.”
“Didn’t you just run 20 miles Saturday?”
Run may be an exaggeration.
“Well, if you’d show up more than once a year.”
I work in education.
At any rate. I did the workout.
So my pants better fit again now.
And I think we should also acknowledge that I didn’t profane even once in this post.
That’s, what, two entire posts without profanity. This year.
So, call me what you want.
I’m just happy to have had a somewhat normal day. For the first time in 82 years.