My Invisible Roommate

Rogue believes that December 6th is the day.

The day that I will finally hit my breaking point.

Whether from my job. Or from what I’m now referring to as my Invisible Roommate.

I’ve talked about him before.

About how bad it was.

And it was bad. When it was just him. Clomping around like Sasquatch. And falling all over the place. And dropping shit just always. Due to lack of opposable thumbs. And watching Naruto. Unnecessarily loudly. At 2am. Directly above my head.

But now…

So he built himself the podracer. Which wasn’t an issue, exactly.

Beyond the actual construction process. Which was extensive. Once assembly was complete. It wasn’t loud so much as just a nice white noise above my head.

It was only an issue because curiosity.

Seriously. What in fuck is actually up there.

But that wasn’t enough to keep him entertained.

So Invisible Roommate now has what I assume is a girlfriend.

A girlfriend who wears high heels.

And does not take them off when she gets into his apartment.

I can barely keep a bra and pants on when I’m inside someone’s. Anyone’s. Home.

I sure as hell ain’t retaining those items in the home of a man I’m dating.

But shoes?? High heeled shoes???

So he’s apparently dating a Desperate Housewife, I guess…?

So this is the sound I hear above my bed between midnight and 2am. Every fucking night.

Fine. I don’t hate my Invisible Roommate’s new girlfriend.

Because at least they go out a lot.

So I know that at least when they’re gone. I can sleep.



Invisible Roommate.

He’s just so needy.

The podracer didn’t make him happy.

The new girlfriend didn’t make him happy.

So…obviously he had to get…a puppy.

A puppy that does not like to be alone.

And remember. Invisible Roommate and new girlfriend go out. A LOT.

So that went on for a solid hour.

Until Invisible Roommate and New Girlfriend came home.

At midnight.

And this mother fucker. Invisible Roommate. Has the nerve.

To shush the dog.

As though the dog is the issue.


So, I’ve decided to embrace the inevitable disruption to my daily life.

I’m claiming upstairs dude as my new Invisible Roommate.

Our lives are now irrevocably intertwined.

We do everything together from here on out.

Last night we watched a really violent movie. At 10pm. Which I thought was a little late for two. Excuse me. THREE working adults. But he really wanted to. And I just want him to be happy.

And if a podracer. A new girlfriend. Or a puppy. Couldn’t get him there.

Then a 10pm super violent movie it is.

At least I’ve got someone to split the rent with now.

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