Real ID

Went to get my Real ID today. Because I wanna be prepared. When Gilead comes. And they try to make me work the colonies.

I need to be able to get to Mexico.

And I gathered up my file folder filled with my Real ID documents. And headed to the DMV.

Approached the counter, and told the nice lady that I’d like to get a Real ID.

“Do you have your birth certificate?”


Handed over my birth certificate. And after a few moments of confused studying…

“Ohhhh. You didn’t get a signature on this?”

On…my birth certificate?

“Yes. You should have gotten a signature.”

But that…that happened in 1974…I was quite young…

“See? It’s got footprints on the back.”

Those…yeah…that’s how you know it’s my birth certificate. Those are mine. My footprints. From…when I was born…as a baby…

“Yeah, what you have here is a birth certificate. What you need is a certificate of birth.”

But you asked…that…so those are not…the same thing…

“No. You’ll need to get that certificate and come back.”

Can I use an expired passport? I have one of those.

“No. But if you get a new passport, we can take that.”

Can I get a new passport with a…birth certificate…?




So I left. Without my Real ID.

And obviously complained to Fall Risk and Rogue.

“You mean you don’t have your long form birth certificate??”

That sounds made up.

And then I complained to my parents. Because I feel like they’re the ones that should have been responsible for getting that signature.

“Oh yeah. We’ve got our real IDs already. Shoulda got that signature on your birth certificate. That’s a shame.”

But this is what shows I’m a real person. That was born and everything. The fucking doctor that birthed me signed it!

“Yeah, but that’s not a certificate of birth.”

I’m done.

Y’all all just making shit up. To keep me in Gilead.

It’s cool.

I’ve probably seen all the places I need to see.

Probably shouldn’t visit anymore places anyway. After what happened to Yellowstone.

(For all those who keep asking, we did not do that. But also, fuck that park. It got what it had coming to it.)

(Also, I hope all the make believe Yellowstone animals are ok, though.)

I can just stay here in Gilead and work the colonies.

I’m an adequate laborer.

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