Desert of Discomfort

Did you get kicked out of the PlayFITStayFIT group, too? I need to know how pissy and resentful to be.

“Huh. I did. Weird.”

Seriously.

We have this PlayFITStayFIT Facebook group. For current members. Where we can see who is going to which class. In hopes of avoiding one on one time with J-Vicious.

No one wants to be the only one in class.

Where he can offer constant, specialized guidance on weight choices.

I missed ONE Monday.

And I’m out? Just like that?

And my reason for missing was legit.

I. Am no longer unemployed.

And this new job? Y’all.

I. Am. Exhausted.

First. I love it. I do. I’m excited. It is amazing in all the ways.

Free food on Wednesdays. And massages. And happy hours.

Set my own schedule.

Work from home.

Annual bonuses.

Focus on career paths and growth. My boss specifically made my job title “project management” so I could move into any part of the company I want to quickly and easily.

But, also…?

I have spent four entire days. Learning all the things. Just all of the things.

And I gotta tell ya. I’m anxious.

I am quite accustomed to being solidly excellent. At every job I’ve ever had.

And I’ve done a lot of different things. Banking. Insurance. Juvenile Justice. Corrections. Counseling. Teaching. Public School.

But I’ve also rarely stepped too far outside of my comfort zone.

None of those jobs was so wildly new or challenging that I didn’t go in thinking I had at least a basic handle on things.

Also. Most of those careers are pretty laid back careers.

They don’t expect super high levels of professionalism when you’re working in prison. Just don’t sleep with the inmates. That’s about it.

New job, though?

I went to a networking event. The morning of day three. On new job.

Networking.

Do you know what a networking event does to a wildly awkward introvert with social anxiety? Who had spent the prior 48 hours just wandering further and further from her comfort zone?

And my comfort zone.

A good chunk of my job is going to be communications. Like, writing.

Writing is my happy place.

I love to write.

Writing is well within my bounds of comfort.

Or…it used to be…

But suddenly I’m out here in the desert of discomfort. Unable to even see the edges of my comfort zone.

And I no longer feel like a competent writer.

So, I’ve totally lost my comfort zone. And I’m no longer skilled in the one skill I may have ever had.

Just imposter syndrome all over the place.

WHY do you people keep telling me you love my writing when I’m clearly an awful writer?? You’ve fake complimented me straight into a career that relies on an ability to write!! And now an international company is going to see just how awful my writing really is!!! The entire world is going to ask what the hell I thought I was doing!!! And then they’re going to fire me and I’m going to lose my home and I’ll be living on the streets and where will I put all of my books when I’m living on the streets?????

I may be panicking a little bit…

So, getting kicked out of PlayFITStayFIT group.

You can see how that may have been a little. Unsettling.

J-Vicious claims it was a glitch in the system. And I wasn’t the only one targeted.

Fall Risk was kicked out, too.

And he did let us back in.

But the damage is done.

I’m quite emotionally fragile right now.

I’m probably going to need gentler workout plans for a bit. Some yoga. And stretches. And meditation mixed in. Just for a few months.

Just until I can feel emotionally secure again.

Until then. I’ll be spending my weekends memorizing tone and word choice of all previous New Job communications.

Maybe I can plagiarize my way back to my comfort zone.

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