“I’ve got to get home to my cats. Because that’s who I am as a person.”
That’s…that’s how I exited my last networking event…with professional women in technology…like, just really professional women…
*sigh*
I’m three months into my new job.
Into my new corporate world.
It’s been challenging.
Not like monitoring 300 truancy cases while coordinating state testing for 900 students challenging.
But challenging like I’ve got to learn something brand new every single day. Challenging like having questions every single day. Challenging like I’m only about 20% confident that I’m getting even some of it right every single day.
Which is frustrating for someone who hates not knowing things. Who needs to understand all the things.
But is also exhilarating for someone who loves learning all the things. I have been in a constant state of learning for three solid months.
That’s…exciting.
My issue is. I have no people here.
At the school, I may have always felt awkward and out of place. But I always had people.
People that would come to my office just to chat with me. People I shared inside jokes with. People that would jump in to help me with my work. No questions asked. People that would throw food at my head. People that would at least offer to let me eat lunch with them. Even if I never accepted the invitation.
This is what I do at lunch now.
There are no people here.
Not just, like, none of my people. There are literally no people here.
I come into the office and it’s me and, like, five other people.
And one of those people is my boss. Who is amazing. She is. But also…my boss…
It takes some time for a boss to become my people.
Because my people have to understand and accept all of my issues.
I’m not ready for my boss to be aware of all of my issues yet. I’ve got a mortgage to pay. So I’m easing her into my issues. Little by little. Like, one issue a month.
So far she’s aware of my need for food, my disdain for groups of people, and my freakish running habits.
And to be fair, she doesn’t quite know the level of aggression that can accompany my food adoration. And she’s a runner, too. So that part isn’t necessarily freakish to her.
But she has assessed that, despite my disdain for groups of people, I am very good at choosing friends.
Because she’s met several of them. The running ones. The running ones I chose. And she’s been pretty impressed by them.
Last week. She met Rogue. And fuck if she didn’t rave about what an exceptional human she is.
I mean, she’s not wrong.
But how does that reflect on me. And how can I find a Rogue or two here at this actual office.
Because I need a Work Boyfriend. Or a Tina Fey. Or any one of the others I left behind at the school. (To fend for themselves. Because education doesn’t seem to be getting better.)
And you just can’t make people that easily on zoom calls. I actually had to tell some of them once, “you can’t tell because we’re all electronic right now, but I’m quite charming in person. Sometimes.”
And now my company is forcing people back to the office. Two days a week. Starting in January. Just like I already am.
So now I’ve got to start practicing. So I can actually be quite charming in person. Just like I told them I was. When they all come back.
And I’m pretty sure they’re not happy about being forced back in. So I’m gonna have to be even extra quite charming. To win them over.
But also. Disdain for large groups of people.
And social awkward that kicks in.
And now panic.
I’m a complex creature.
But I know this. I need people. People that are gonna walk past me, and throw a bag of Doritos at my head. People that are gonna sit in my cubicle and hear about that really awkward thing I said to that person last night. People that are gonna leave me notes telling me how awesome I am.
I need to be told I’m awesome. At least once a day. And specifically by people who have to work with me.
So I’m gonna need to practice. Being quite charming in person. Because it’s been over five months since I’ve worked around other humans.
So if I show up at your workplace. No need to call security. Just sit me down and start chatting with me. Until I sound quite charming. And then throw a bag of Doritos at my head. And send me on my way.
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