Keeping My Mouth Shut

Got this book in the mail today.

The note that came with it begins by saying, “Read this book – your boss will thank you.”

…well, that’s just…hurtful…

And anyway, I’m pretty sure my boss wants me to talk more.

I actually shut the fuck up as much as possible at work. Because I still have precious little understanding of what the fuck is happening. Or who the fuck anyone is. Or what the fuck I’m doing. At any given moment.

So, rather than let them all know what an idiot I am. I just shut the fuck up. And fumble my way through my projects and tasks and meetings. So many meetings. And that way, my boss continues to tell me I’m awesome. Almost everyday. (Mostly because she now knows I require that level of maintenance.)

So, joke’s on you, Dan Lyons. I’m already not talking.

Except with my school people. I’m talking all the words with them.

An hour and a half. I spent an hour and a half on the phone with Tina Fey this week. Saying all the words.

Spent two hours chatting with my former AP. At the state cross country meet Saturday. Saying all the other words.

Had a beer with GBFF…WHTBS. Saying even more words.

Ghost. Work Boyfriend. AD. Just all the words with all my school people.

Because we all have shared education trauma.

I still know all the words they’re all talking about. Because the education trauma hasn’t changed. It’s just getting worse.

Which makes the stress I experience in my job seem…pretty basic.

I used to be able to have these word sessions with Tina Fey everyday. In person. And they almost always ended with me laughing until I peed. In my grown woman pants.

Now I jut walk into this two days a week.

There are cubicles with names on them that…I’m not dead sure those people even still exist.

But I’ve signed up for a work mentor.

And we’ve got these work clubs. For special groups. LatinX. African American. Asian and Pacific Islander. LGBTQ+. Veterans. Etc.

And when you sign up for a mentor, you can request that they are a member of one of these groups.

I wanted to pick all the groups.

Like, I would like a mentor from each group, please.

Because I may have mentioned this before. But I need people. Like, all of them. I need all of the people.

I don’t…I don’t want to always talk to them. To be clear. I’m still an introvert.

But I’m also a Leo.

I need the option of people. The fun ones. That are gonna pay attention to me. And make me laugh until I pee.

Y’all. I haven’t peed my pants in months. And I’m 48. It doesn’t really even take that much.

So I don’t really think I need this book. But it was free. Because my book addiction leads me to spend an hour every two weeks signing up for all of the Goodreads giveaways. So that free books will randomly show up in my mailbox.

And I’m pretty sure ole Dan there is gonna tell me that I need to stop attention seeking. Through this blog. And social medias. And just sit in the silence of my own boring company.

But Dan’s probably not a Leo. Without any work friends. And unpeed pants.

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