The Feminine Cycle

timelapse photography of moon

Look. It’s just hard being a woman. It really just is.

I’m not sure I can even begin to explain the increasing severity of the feminine cycle. And the increasing number of external forces that impact it. As we age.

Spring Forward. I am dragging.

Mercury is in retrograde. I am disoriented.

The moon is full. I am irrational.

My cycle kicks in. Surprise! Here’s an extra 5 pounds. Go eat all the things. And try not to stab any men in the throat.

timelapse photography of moon; impacting the feminine cycle
Photo by samer daboul on

Seriously. Our physical appearance actually shifts with our cycle. We actually get prettier. And then uglier. Throughout our monthly cycle.

“Estrogen reaches a high point and a low point during the menstrual cycle. It causes changes in the skin by influencing its texture and thickness, as well as structural integrity and fluid balance” (Flo Health Inc., 2021 – I’m sure it’s legit).

Structural integrity.

Our hormones effect our Structural Integrity.

The fuck even is that?

And the older I get. The more susceptible I am to every. damn. thing.

Every hormonal shift. Every celestial movement. Every human existing in the same space as me.

Is it just me?

It’s not, is it?

It can’t possibly be.

For most of 2023, I have felt some ever-evolving mix of insecure, depressed, excluded, frustrated, exhausted, annoyed, irate, ravenous, or just confused.

And completely lacking in coordination. Apparently. Having fallen on the same knee twice in one month.

Seriously. Just as my knee was about to be fully healed. I fell. Again. On the exact same fucking knee.

And I wish I could say that that injury was why I performed so poorly in the race in which it happened.

But no. No that poor performance was the result of a total inability to gather anything resembling energy. Because Mars and Jupiter shifted out of alignment or something.

The fall came at the end of the race. In the last half mile. When my body just threw itself on the ground in surrender.

Running is so stupid.

This soup of ridiculousness is both comical and unbearable. (I mean, you have to laugh. Except if you’re a man. Men don’t get to laugh. I’ll refer you back to the cycle impulse…)

And then one morning, last week, I magically woke up feeling amazing. Just pure happiness and confidence and all attractive and brilliant. Entirely secure in every single bit of who I am and what I can do. Ready to take on and change the entire universe to make it what I want it to be.

And that feeling lasted for approximately six seconds.

Before mercury went all off its axis or whatever. And threw me back into exhaustion.

And dear mother the devastation when these all hit at once. I don’t even know how to explain that. Except. Just drained of all life.

We are all. All of us life-experienced women. Feeling this, right?

I don’t think Universe used to impact me so aggressively. In my younger years. Or if it did, I was at least blissfully unaware of it.

But today. At 48. I am so completely aware of it every second of every day.

And I have to say. I’m not a fan.

I don’t have ADHD. My brain has always been pretty boring as far as thought processes go.

But I’m sitting here completely unable to focus.

I’ve been writing this particular blog post for the last two weeks.

I no longer even remember when the six seconds of happiness happened.

I certainly can’t predict when it might roll around again.

I really just want to nap. And to not be caught in the middle of this feminine cycle. For just, like, a full day.

(And fellas, I don’t hate you. I just…I want you to experience the extreme discomfort of a menstrual cramp just once. So you understand why I’m coming at you with a knife when you’ve had the audacity to exist in my general vicinity. That’s all.)


Salimgaraev MD, R. (2021). Spots, dry, and oily skin: How hormones affect your skin before and during a period. Retrieved from Flo Health Inc.

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