Just stopped at Kroger. To pick up my groceries. Because I would rather risk a 14 year old choosing random food items for me than spend my time wandering around aisles. And humans. Looking for food items.

So as I’m opening up my back door for the child to load my groceries into, an older man stops and looks at me. Assesses me for a minute.

During which time I stand appropriately still. Allowing the full assessment. Because I’m compliant.

And after he’s finished his assessment he says, “You look like you can cook.”

And I actually glanced down at myself. To see if someone snuck an apron on me and I just forgot about it. Which is way within the realm of possibility.

But then realized it must just be my “voluptuousity” giving this impression.

And ever eager to prove myself worthy of existing, I offered to help.

“So, I’ve got this pie crust from the freezer section. And I made pot pie in the crock pot last night. And I want to put it in this pie crust. But do you think I should bake the pie crust first or bake the crust with the pot pie in there?”

And I desperately wanted to phone a friend. Or message Fall Risk to Google this shit for me. Or find some other person with voluptuousity wandering through the parking lot to ask.

But there’s just all this pressure, you know? To prove yourself. When an old man basically calls you capable.

And he began talking about his wife. And how inept he was at finding things for her when she’d ask him to go pick something up. And it occurred to me that, were his wife still with him, that she’d probably be the one making the pot pie. Probably from scratch. Thus eliminating his need for my input.

And I was getting a little emotional. And panicked. Desperate to offer advice. Any advice.

So I did.

And he thanked me. And moved along. Before the child brought my grocery order out to me.

A frozen dinner and three bags of chips…

My god I hope that poor man’s pot pie is delicious.

I probably have to start picking my food items up from a different Kroger.