I haven’t had a real good adventure in a long time. I’ve mostly just had lots of work. Lots of stress. So, obviously the best medicine for an introvert with social anxiety is a trip to the big apple. Because when you think Sunshine, you think that’s a chick that belongs in the big city.

And also because money is at a premium, I opted for the cheaper travel option.

Do you know what’s great about trains? You don’t have to worry about what you pack in your suitcase. You can throw a full bottle of shampoo in there. If you had plans for actual grooming during your trip. And no one would care. Or even know.

You know what’s not great about trains? The moment it starts moving will have you immediately Googling “why do trains sway.”

It’s not for a good reason.

Also, if a train is going to move smoothly along the tracks without suspicious bumps and sways and noises, I’m gonna need it to be when it’s crossing over a bridge. Above the water.

And we spent an unreasonable amount of time above the water. Swear they just took random side streets out into the ocean every state we rolled through. Even Pennsylvania. And I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even touch the ocean.

It’s also a lot of time just period. Spent with a lot of other people. Which is a lot of chances to prove your social ineptness. Right from the jump.

We hadn’t even hit Lynchburg before I tried interacting with another human. And after several awkward moments, she just said, “It’s ok. We can try again later.”

But we didn’t get to try again later. Because we were evicted from our seats to allow a family. With an actual child. To sit there. And moved to a fully deserted car. Where they hide the childless cat ladies, I guess. I tried to explain that I do actually have children. They’re just grown. But it seems my cats outnumbering my children cancels them out.

Joke’s on them, though. Because in our new shameful childless cat lady car, we were eventually treated to a Cayman Islands band performance. And the utter disappointment when their first ever Olympian didn’t medal in his event. After they’d written and performed an entire song for him. It was an emotional moment.

But after a 9 hour train ride, we found our way onto the streets of New York. City. New York City.

At which point Jay Z and Alicia Keys began a nonstop loop in my brain. Which I was forced to share with everyone in proximity. For three solid days.

Oddly enough, the streets did not, in fact, make me feel brand new. The big lights did not inspire me.

The streets had more humans than should be allowed in one city. We had to be violating the weight capacity of the island. Or whatever New York is. And it mostly just smells like pee. Human pee. Sometimes mixed with the smell of really good pizza. Which causes some conflicting feelings. And instead of your standard turn signal, brake light methods of vehicle communication, New York cars just use horns. For everything. Always.

But on the bright side, I did not have an entire social anxiety introvert breakdown. In the middle of Times Square. And if you think I shouldn’t be allowed on trail by myself, I absolutely should not be set loose on the streets of New York. The City.

But shortly after a group of street performers took one of us. And held her captive. Until she managed her escape. While they were distracted. I opted to head on back to the hotel. By myself.

Because I’m a big girl.

And because the sweat had begun running in a full river down my arms. And legs. And everything.

And also because this was close to my overstimulation breaking point.

That’s just…a LOT of humans we were walking into.

And I’d finally figured out how the street numbers work. Mostly.

Only overshot my destination by one block. Twice.

But really it just added on the additional mileage I needed to prep for my half marathon next weekend. So it was for the greater good.

I also felt compelled to be off the streets before dark. Not because of crime. Or anything that mundane. I can fight pretty ineffectively if I have to. Or just submit. I’m excellent at submitting.

But the rats. These rats. That have somehow all been driven into full on delinquency. They will absolutely fight you. And they will absolutely win.

I almost got my ass kicked by one my first night there. And not a damn one of the bitches I was with seemed prepared to have my back. Fortunately he lost interest before I laid fully down on the sidewalk in submission.

I did enjoy an excellent plate of Ethiopian food. Thanks to Travel Goddess’s planning.

I don’t know what any of that is called. So I’ll never be able to successfully order it. When the woman that New Friend campaigned to relocate to Roanoke finally opens a restaurant here.

If anyone knows what the one in the top right corner is, lemme know. So I can be prepared. But it was all delicious. Like, I really should’ve worn stretchy pants to the theater level of delicious.

And the theater was excellent, despite the utter exhaustion from a nine hour train ride and over filling my pants.

Water for Elephants. I didn’t enjoy the music. At all. But the acrobatics were more than worth it.

Apparently, I was with a group of heartless bitches, though. Because I’m the only one that cried. Repeatedly. Throughout the show. That poor fake horse head, though…

But let me just say that for all the convenience that trains offer, my body was definitely not prepared for two nine-hour rides in one weekend. And I wasn’t the only one ready to throw myself from the train. While it was moving. On the ride back home. Just to not be crammed into the same position for nine hours. Because one dude actually did. Throw himself. From the train. While it was moving.

I think he was probably fine, though. Because it was after we’d switched back to the diesel engine. Which is considerably slower than whatever high speed engine they strap you to in DC to get you to New York. City. And back again.

But I did get a weekend with my bad bitches. That I haven’t had a weekend with in an unreasonably long time.

And this morning, as I stumbled into the bathroom at 3:30am. Because red eye. I found this sitting on the back of the toilet. Because where else would it be.

Because my bad bitches got Fall Risk and me birthday cards. Because somehow our birth month happened without me actually realizing.

So I’ve kicked off my 50th year of life by reaffirming all the ways I’ve aged out of cities. And heat. And people. And apparently even animals.

But not out of adventures. I’m gonna need more of those. Just…maybe with more mountains and less humans. And delinquent rats.