Yesterday, I was raising two men, working three jobs, using a calculator in the grocery store, studying in the stands at football practice, watching basketball with my boys, listening to the sound of the entire soccer team in my basement, under the mistaken impression that it would last forever.
Yesterday, I sent my youngest son off to college. Sold my oldest son my old house.
Yesterday I had career options. A future. Endless possibility. And potential.
Yesterday I planned all the places I would visit and things I would experience. When I had more money. When I had the time.
Yesterday I enjoyed food and drinks without the anticipation of those pants no longer buttoning. Or that shirt being too tight.
Yesterday I had muscles. And abilities. Strength. Toned arms. And legs. And abs.
Yesterday I ran ultras and Ragnars and Spartan Trifectas and stood on podiums and had medals draped around my neck.
Yesterday I woke up in the morning and got out of bed. Easily. Without limping. Or wincing. Or pain.
Yesterday I had plans. And hope. And time.
Yesterday I had so. much. time.
Today.
Today I am half a century old. Half a century on this earth.
Today I have extra cushion. And jiggle. In extra places.
Today I have closets. And drawers. Full of clothes that don’t fit me.
Today I have wrinkles. And hair appointments to cover the grey.
Today I have anxiety. Over savings. Or no savings. Over retirement. Or never being able to retire. And all the things I should have done. Yesterday.
Today I have estrogen patches. And probiotics. And vitamins. And supplements.
Today I have medical tests. And follow up tests.
Today I have a hip that won’t stay where it’s supposed to. Today I have pain.
Today I limp for the first hour after I wake up.
Today I have AARP. And Tuesday discounts.
Today I have my parents. Still. Always in my corner.
Today I have two men. That I raised. Who are the best kind of people to have.
Today I have a daughter. Who is gentle. And kind. And beautiful. Who I didn’t raise. But is mine, nonetheless.
Today I have grandchildren. Tiny little humans who hug me and call me Abi.
Today I have a home. And a car. And a job.
Today I have enough.
Today I have the knowledge that it doesn’t last forever. That you have to do the things. And say the things.
Today.
Because yesterday. Happens way too quick.
Shine My Way 
I’m not crying. Not at all. I’m 😭 sobbing….at all the love amd truth in what I just read. At the sadness that I feel that I have not seen you and many of the cool people because of LIFE amd how I choose to deal or not deal. I lobe your soul and I’m sad that I have just plain sucked at keeping in touch with you. Grateful for everyone of your blogs that knock sense back into me. I hope that today and every day despite this crazy life, that you find LOVE amd JOY and PURPOSE. My neighbor is Tristan and is friends with your son. And…when he said Sunshine….I immediate knew what kind of Sunshine he was talking about. Miss you and think of you often amd wish that time would slow down and we could all have a reunion of sorts where I get to see your face. I’m always up for something….. Love u. Wishing you happiness on every today amd every tomorrow……❣️ Happy Belated Birthday. I suck 😕
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I miss you so so much. Let’s see each other’s faces, please.
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Very wise words.❤️
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