I Can’t Stop The Words

Probably someday someone’s going to stop letting me talk to the other people.

I’m just sitting here in the car shop waiting room place waiting for Grungy Mechanic-Looking Dude to honk my horn (again, not a euphemism) and unreject me. And suddenly I feel the urge to start saying words.

Grungy Mechanic-Looking Dude: Nissan Rogue?

Confused Chick Beside Me: Me! Wait. No. No that’s not me. I don’t have a Rogue.

Me: I have a Rogue. A friend, though. Not a car.

Everyone in the room: Huh?

Me: I mean, I have a car. Obviously. Or I wouldn’t be here. Just not a Rogue car. Only a Rogue friend.

Endearing Man On My Other Side: Nissans are good cars.

Me: I mean, her name’s not actually Rogue. That’s just what we call her… Because of the crazies.

Everyone in the room: Huh?

Me: What? No. She helps them. The people. The … crazy people.

Everyone in the room: …

Me: She doesn’t actually call them crazies…

Grungy Mechanic-Looking Dude: Nissan Rogue?

Confused Chick Beside Me: I don’t have a Rogue, but I have a Nissan.

Endearing Man On My Other Side: I’ve got a Maxima. They really are a good bang for your buck.

Me: Pick a Nissan. Any Nissan.

Endearing Man On My Other Side: What kind of Nissan do you drive?

Me: I don’t.

Endearing Man On My Other Side: You said you had a Rogue?

Me: Yeah. A friend. Not a car.

Endearing Man On My Other Side: Huh?

Me: I threatened to pee on her in a birthday rap I wrote and performed for her last night.

Endearing Man On My Other Side: …well that’s…nice… You said you peed on her?

Me: I mean, I didn’t actually pee… I drive a rejected Suzuki. That guy rejected my car. But he didn’t reject me as a person. I’m totally datable.

Endearing Man On My Other Side: Oh, you’re dating?

Me: Oh gawd no! I’m not actually datable. No one should ever date me.

Endearing Man On My Other Side (sounding uncertain): I’m sure that’s not true. You seem like a … nice girl…

Me: I don’t think he wants to date me, though. He seems pretty focused on that Rogue.

Grungy Mechanic-Looking Dude: How about a Nissan Murano?

Everyone in the room (looking expectantly at me): …

Me: Nope. I’m just waiting for dude to honk my horn and unreject me.

Everyone in the room: ummm…

Me: That’s not a euphemism.

Everyone in the room:

Me (realizing that we’re only supposed to be talking in car makes and models): Suzuki

Confused Chick Beside Me: Oh that’s me! I drive a Murano!

Me: This was fun. I’m gonna just write stuff now.

The problem is I often feel the need to put words out into the world. It doesn’t really matter what the words are. I just need to get them out there. And if I don’t have the option of sitting and writing them out thoughtfully, then my mouth gets all excited and kind of gets away from my brain and starts just throwing all kinds of random nonsensicals out there at the people.

My writing, of course, is intelligent and poetic.

But my mouth words are generally either awkwardly confusing or extremely inappropriate. It gets worse when you take me to the mountains.

I only get invited onto the mountains with people that appreciate awkward inappropriate conversations now. Which is cool. Because those are my favorite people anyway.

But the good news is that I’m street legal again. And the people will probably forget my mouth words by the time I have to go back to the car waiting room place again next year.

2 responses to “I Can’t Stop The Words”

  1. I’m glad to hear your horn is honking again. You are very funny. I don’t know you well enough to know whether or not to fully believe whether you actually said those things out loud so that other people could hear you or not. I can imagine whispering them to a friend next to me but not saying them for all to hear.

    1. When surrounded by strangers or really good friends, I tend to just let the crazy happen out loud. Because who really cares what strangers think and my good friends already know. It’s only when I’m among casual acquaintances and children that I put in real effort to self-censor.

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