I Make The Coffee Now

Today was a two job day.

This means that my lunch break was spent driving from one job to the next. Instead of actual lunching.

I like food very much.

I don’t like no food very very much.

When I rolled up into job #2, unlunched, my co-workers informed me that they’d broken the coffee pot.

I’m sorry, what?

And then. THEN they proceeded to talk. To me. Incessantly. About things that were not related to putting coffee or food into my mouth.

Quiet, work gremlins. I need to undo what you’ve done.

Turns out that they’d slid the coffee pourer out piece over to the water holdy area so that it was dripping the cycled water it was pulling up right back into the water it was holding. Soooo, it was just cycling through without ever actually touching the coffee.

None of you is ever allowed to touch this machine ever ever again.

I make the coffee now.

In response to my self-appointed coffee captain title, co-worker challenged me to a push up contest.

And then refused to follow through when my response was to immediately drop and say let’s do this.

All of my co-workers spend a lot of time telling me about all the things they used to do. And how much they need to get back to it.

And then I invite them to run with me or go to PlayFITStayFIT with me.

And then they … start talking about other things.

And pretending that I don’t exist.

Nah, that’s cool.

I’ve got coffee.

They just won’t get to experience the joy and camaraderie of miles in the mountains. The breathtaking views. The questionable conversations. (My runners know wayyyyy more about me than any human should.)

Or bonding over hip thrusters. And hamstring curls. The humiliation of duck walking around a gym. The crushing weight of the heavy bag J-Vicious throws on your lap halfway through the 6-minute wall sit because he didn’t appreciate your approach to the 2 minutes of pop squats.

Apparently I wasn’t using my legs enough? But you for real gonna pump some Eminem into the mix and expect ya girl to not get down?


I’ve had two pots of coffee today, bruh. I’ve got the music in me.

Don’t question the coffee captain.

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