Spartan’s Coming

I’ve given up on my hair this week.

Apparently it’s quite evident.

When I walked into work this morning, co-worker asked if I’d cut my hair.

When I responded in the affirmative, his response was not the standard, “looks good.”

No. No, instead he asked, “are you pleased with it?”

Am I pleased with…

No, co-worker. I am not pleased with it. Thank you for being so aware of how displeasing my hair is. I was pleased with it. When I got it done. But then my people made me run the damn Elevator Shaft and I have been quite displeased with it ever since.


So, now that I was feeling super good about myself, I was then reminded that it’s Spartan weekend.


Spartan Super is on Saturday.

This Saturday.

Like, two days away Saturday.

Less than two days…

The course map came out today.

I’m not sure I’ve ever really studied a course map prior to a race. That’s not true. I am absolutely sure I’ve never studied a course map prior to a race.

But Rogue has been on her deathbed this week. So I’m trying to assess how difficult it’s gonna be for me to drag her lifeless body through this.

Because we ARE going to Trifecta this year.

A missed race is not an option.

(It’s possible I may have to freeze her body at some point to ensure we can get her through our last race scheduled for November. So, if anyone has a freezer guy, hook me up.)

Anyway, I’m paying a little closer attention to the actual obstacles this year. We don’t care too much about the distance or elevation. I’ve been on this mountain a few times. I think. At least once, for sure. So, I know we can manage the mountain itself pretty easily.

But the obstacles.

This is my first Spartan of 2019.

I’m unfamiliar with some of those words.

Stairway to Sparta…

Pipe Lair.

Beater? Seriously?

So, I’ve been cramming some intense strength training into the last two weeks thinking I might minimize my burpee count this year.

Because two weeks of what I’m gonna call training should be sufficient to not only get me through these obstacles, but also to drag Rogue’s lifeless body on my back as I do. Right?

Plus they also sent out a hornet warning for the course, so there’s that.

J-Vicious asked how my legs were this morning. A fair question after he threw at good 5,000 pounds of weight onto my lap during yesterday’s 6 minute wall sit.

I was a little nervous to respond, though. My Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness doesn’t kick in until day two. As it’s supposed to.

Soooo, what happens to me at Arm Day today if I say my legs feel fine…?

His response?

See you at 5.


Walked into class. And saw why he refused to answer me.

Because today’s class was the same bullshit as yesterday’s class. Except with arms.

Messaged Fall Risk to give her a head’s up. She sent back one word. Message received.

The six minute arm equivalent to the wall sit was a six minute plank.

Leading up to and away from that was a collection of push ups and curls and extensions and some bullshit wall walk ups and these band extension things.

Now, these band extensions. So, there are a limited number of bands at PlayFITStayFIT. And they vary from loose and easy red ones to tight and unstretchy green ones.

On the first round, Fall Risk got stuck with a green one. “It won’t move.”

It’s one thing to use resistance training to exhaust (and build) your muscles.

But when that resistance is immovable, well I don’t really know what happens. Because I was smart enough to grab a red band.

But based on the look on Fall Risk’s face, I’d say it makes you fantasize about wrapping the band around J-Vicious’s throat until he stops yelling at you to keep working. Except you also can’t because you lose all feeling in your arms pretty early on in the mix.

So, we continue on through the rest of the exercises. With me respectfully, but repeatedly reminding everyone that I was in need of tacos. And Fall Risk pretty much yawning in response to all of J-Vicious’s ranting.

But when we came back through to the band extension thingies, homegirl wasn’t about to get stuck with a green band again.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a human move, inside of a gym, at the light speed that Fall Risk went after those red bands. She got from one end of the gym to the complete other side in under a second. It was…inspiring.

(She didn’t realize that if you just spend that time laughing at your friend instead of looking for a band, there are eventually no bands left and you accidentally miss out on the band extensions altogether. And you probably feel really bad about it.)

After class, we made the trip over to Starr Hill for the pub run (beer and tacos).

And maybe we ran. If you look at the very back of the Runabout Sports pub run pic, you’ll see us. Possibly holding a beer.

I’m pretty sure I’ve explained this to y’all before. If you’re in the pre-run pic, you ran. I don’t know why I have to keep explaining this.

Besides, I’ve got a Super on Saturday, so I really should be resting.

And Fall Risk got her run in back at the gym, so…