Split Loyalties

I’m not sure what’s happening with my Hoosiers in this game right now.

Freakin Princeton?

The commentators just tried to throw out some positive perspective.

They think this is Brunk’s best game…of the season.

They had a whole conversation about it. About whether or not it was. His best game. Of the season.

And decided that, yes. Yes it is. This is definitely his best game.

Of the season.

That just fucking started.

Four games ago.

I mean, they’re not wrong. But maybe don’t call dude out like that? That’s not even a compliment at that point.

That’s like saying to me, “Good job not saying anything inappropriate or awkward. That we know about. During that one conversation. That you’ve had so far today.”

At that point, you’re just drawing more attention to just how bad things are.

It’s cool. I’ll just write instead.

So, I was accosted by my co-workers yesterday.

I was in my office diligently working. The way I always do. When Carlos and Co-Worker B came marching in. And brought Security Worker C with them. And surrounded me. Blocking all means of egress.

Now, I was already in a fairly fragile state. Because another co-worker. One of my favorite co-workers. A highly respected and trusted co-worker. Threw me under the bus in the middle of the faculty meeting.

In the sweetest, nicest way possible.

“I just want to brag on my building. Because Tahani and Sunshine stand at the entrance and welcome the kids in by singing and dancing and…”

“Ok. But also? I’m where I’m supposed to be…”

Because I’m not supposed to be in her building welcoming children.

That’s not my assigned area.

My assigned area is wayyyyyy over on the other side of campus.

So maybe we just offer a general, “Aren’t Tahani and Sunshine so great?”

But no. This is fine, too. Let everyone know that I loiter in your building instead of attending to my assigned area.

Anyway. I was accosted.

They just rolled up into my office three deep.

What is happening?

And demanded to see Tahani.

But she doesn’t live here…

Get her.

Yes, sir.

Tahani. You still here?

Come to my office.



So here’s the issue.

Tahani is this really good person, blah blah blah.

Remember I told you about the very special gift she gave me last week? It wasn’t just pantyliners. It was also a very sweet card. And a choo choo Train. Made out of candy.

Ok. A wheel is missing there.

But really, how long would you expect me to wait before eating that? Those are Reese’s wheels.

So I felt really special, right?

You could sense that in my post, right?

That’s my Work BFF bringing me a gift to tell me how much she loves me.

Except on Monday, I was walking through building 2. And I caught sight of her white jacket.

Pressed all the way up against the wall.

Trying to hide.

Outside of Co-Worker B’s room.

And she was surrounded by bags.

I’m fine! You don’t need to come here! You go on! This is fine! It’s all fine! You go on!

As she hovered protectively over the bags.

What did you do??

Have you been in his room???

What’s in those bags????

Which brings us to the accosting situation.

So Carlos and Co-Worker B roll up into my office. Each holding a paper bag. With an inspirational train message written on them. And they want answers.

What is this?

Why do they say the same thing?

What does the train metaphor mean?

Is this a race thing?

Did she give these to everybody?

Look. I’m not sure why I’m being targeted. Or why she’s just handing these out to people who aren’t me.

But I told her not to give those to other people!

Because I knew what was coming next.

Why haven’t you brought us anything like this?


So now I apparently have to invest in a glue gun and 50 lbs of candy so that I, too, can give food to people who aren’t me.

Which doesn’t sound like me at all.

And I have no idea who I can even trust anymore.

But hey. I did go at least one conversation without saying anything awkward or inappropriate. This morning.

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