Emergency Response

You know how you don’t know how you’ll react in a crisis. Until it happens?

Like, you think, I’d walk through fire to save my friends.

Ok. Maybe not that. That’s pretty dramatic.

And we’re all gonna walk through fire this weekend anyway. For fun. So that’s probably not a good measure of what we’d do for one another.

Anyway. Fall Risk made me go to PlayFITStayFIT last night. Even though it’s my rest week.

And you know it’s gonna be a rough workout when there is nothing written on the board.

And J-Vicious has the tractor tire out.

And B-Major refuses to be on his team. And offers me up as tribute instead.

Some bullshit about marital privilege. And automatic veto rights.

Hey. I’m not the dumbass that married him.

Why the rest of us gotta suffer?

But we all know she’s in charge. She’d already yelled at Fall Risk and me once before class. Outside. In front of the world. In her lawyer mom voice. (Which is terrifying, btw.)

It’s even more terrifying when you see what a badass she is. Because that big tractor tire? Ok. So I had to pull it for maybe 30 seconds. Because this

I needed to make sure he was ok.

He had flown right into the building. And I’ve been there. I walk straight into shit all of the time. So I obviously understood his embarrassment. And was trying to help him talk through it.

So a solid portion of the tire workout passed while I was out there chatting with him. And he was ignoring me.

Anyway. So the 30 seconds I worked on pulling that tire, I managed to move it maybe 2.6 centimeters. Or maybe millimeters? Which ones are the super small ones?

So when it’s B-Major’s turn, she grabs hold of that thing and goes flying backwards. Because she was using way more strength than she needed to for that tire.

That tire that I could barely move…

“Why did I think that was gonna be so hard?”

…because it is so hard…


It’s fine. I don’t need to be strong. I’m attention seeking.

Which is why I had to repeatedly explain to my group that I was not, in fact, just being dramatic and trying to get attention when I was panicking about suffocating during the 6 inch weighted leg holds. Or whatever bullshit that was.

Because I cannot breathe during that exercise.

Like, my lungs just shut the hell down when my core is engaged.

I’m serious, y’all.

LL kept telling me I was fine.

I’m not fine! I’m suffocating!

You’re not suffocating if you’re talking.

No! I can exhale. But I can’t inhale! This is what an asthma attack feels like. And y’all just over here trying to tell me I’m not dying. You try going without oxygen for a full…10 seconds.

Because obviously I’m not going to continue an exercise that prevents me from oxygening. Or whining about it.

So, I was already fairly traumatized when I drove over to Lews to meet Rogue for a run. And she didn’t show. Or call. Or respond to messages. Or even read them.

When I realized she wasn’t gonna make it for our run, I briefly considered driving up to the star to meet the fellas for the trail run…

That’s not true. I never considered that. That option was never on the table.

But Fall Risk coming on over so we could go ahead and eat while we waited for everyone was always the preferred option anyway.

And we were honestly starting to worry about Rogue. And formulating a plan to find her.

After a panicked and perhaps slightly teary voicemail to her that went unreturned, Fall Risk was assigned to search 81 for accidents. I was assigned to stalking her family members’ Facebook pages for signs of concern.

And I thought we were working through this pretty well as a team. Until.

“Awww. There’s a lost cat.”

“…ok…So, we’re just done looking for Rogue now…?”

“No no. I’m looking. I just. Maybe I should share this post first…”

And I was about to remind her that our friend is missing.

But then our food was delivered.

And, I mean, we gotta keep our strength up in case we have to conduct a full search on foot.

When Rogue finally responded to us, halfway through our meal, Fall Risk told her

“Thank God. We were just about to abandon food to go drive 81 searching for your car on the side of the road.”

I just stared at Fall Risk.

You know she knows that’s not true, right?


Anyway. She was fine. Rogue was fine.

She showed up shortly after the fellas made it down off the mountain. In her really hot dress and prom shoes.


Look it.

Which prompted GJB to admit that, in the very off chance that Rogue or I ever date again. Other people. Not each other. Regardless of what the rumors say. Or who has peed on who. That he will very likely get his ass kicked.

Because dudes don’t know how to take him.

Or his conversation topics.

Or the stuff he draws on his hands. And all of our hands.

But the likelihood of me dating someone that could kick his ass. Or Rogue not immediately rejecting any man that even looks at her. Is pretty slim.

So I think he’s gonna be ok.

Everybody’s gonna be ok.

Because we react well in emergency situations.

Because we walk through fire for fun.

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