I Need A Manual

Don’t believe everything you read on social media.

I had a conversation with J-Vicious yesterday…

So, will you be at PlayFITStayFIT today????

(Four question marks feels a little aggressive.)

Depends. Will it be a partner workout?

Will you trust me if I say no?

I mean…no…probably not. But still. Will it?


So anyway, it was a partner workout…

I was a little pissy going in.

I can’t fully explain it.

I’m in a weird head space right now.

I think I’m gonna need a little adjustment time for this new life phase.

Or maybe January really is kicking in. Just a little late. Which would mean it will likely bleed over into February. But really, that’s kind of a bullshit month, too. So, meh.

Whatever the cause, I was pissy.

And I was probably not emotionally prepared to be around the people yesterday.

But also? I walked down the stairs like a normal middle aged human with fully functional legs yesterday morning. So I thought I should probably use them for some fitness. So they don’t get too comfortable with being…comfortable.

And sure. I could’ve run. Without exposing the people to my pissiness.

But the fucking arctic tundra has moved in. And I’ve become a little bitch about body temperature. And OT is gonna make me run tonight. Outside. After the sun goes down.

That seems like a sufficient amount of cold exposure for one week.

So I went to the gym.

And exposed all the people there to my pissiness.

And here’s what’s kind of awesome about that.

They were totally cool about it.

I mean, I expected Fall Risk to be. She’s one of my actual people. She has to be cool with my moods. Whether she wants to or not. It’s in the Sunshine Friend handbook.

Ok. There’s not actually a Sunshine Friend Handbook. But there absolutely should be. I absolutely should come with directions. A fully illustrated manual. Schematics and shit. Because I have questions…

But the rest of them. B-Major and LL and J-Vicious and the poor chick J-V partnered me up with…

Because fucking partner workout…

They were fully tolerant.

And also. It was cardio day.

Cardio is not my favorite day.

I’m a runner.

So obviously I hate any type of cardiovascular work.

So I anticipated awful.

I anticipated just awful misery.

But. And here’s where I’ll deny it if J-Vicious tries to take any credit for anything.

It helped.

Maybe only a little bit. But still. It helped.

It wasn’t awful.

As Skratch pointed out in response to my surprise about it not being awful, that cardio is in my wheelhouse.


Who knew I even had a wheelhouse.

If I had a handbook, I’d have known about the wheelhouse.

I wonder if there’s anything else in there.

Or if it’s just a giant empty space containing just that one thing. Cardio.

How fucking sad would that be.

If y’all need somewhere to store all your ancillary talents, I’m pretty sure there’s plenty of space in my wheelhouse.

Also, it’s good for echoing.

I will say that my legs are a little pissed about the bear crawls.

And they’re throwing a lot of really questionable phrases at me.

But really, the abusive shit they say to me now has become pretty routine. I don’t really pay much attention anymore.

So it felt kind of good to workout. I mean, I wasn’t pleasant by any means. But I was way less evil.

So that when GBFF…WHTBS offered a quick coffee chat. To help me process out a little more of the evil. I didn’t feel fully obligated to say no. For his protection.

If Fall Risk has to deal with me, so does GBFF.

And he was almost eerily nice as I rambled through the fairly convoluted mess that is my brain right now.

You know in that movie The Other Woman how Leslie Mann tells her husband she needs Brain Camp?

I think I need Brain Camp.

And also? How adorable is Leslie Mann?

But by the end of coffee hour, I think I’d worked my way through my brain jungle enough to find a little bit of clarity. About why I am the way I am.


I’m not entirely sure.

Maybe if someone would write that damn manual. And throw a few more things into my wheelhouse. And send me off to Brain Camp for a week.

Maybe I’ll make it through the rest of January without alienating anyone.

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