J-Vicious Been Talking

Someone’s been talking smack about y’all.

Not me.

But someone.

They been sayin y’all scared.

They say y’all read what I write about what happens at PlayFITStayFIT. And y’all scared.

Too scared to come to the gym. And experience what we experience.

J-Vicious thinks it’s me. He thinks I’m the issue.

Like, maybe I need to only write nice things about going to the gym.

Or maybe frame it more positively?

Lemme try.

So I got to the gym yesterday.

And Fall Risk came.

So I got to see her. Which we’ve realized is really the only method of socializing she and I have. Through fitness.

J-V asked if Skratch was coming.

Because partner day.

And I said I didn’t think so.

And so J-V says, “Ok! Hi, partner!”

Except I can count. Mostly. And there was an even number of us there for class. Not counting him. We never count him.

But there’s an even number!


No, there really is. I counted!!


Six. There are six of us. That’s even…

And then freakin LL walked in. Making us seven.


So for this bullshit workout, you had to do some bullshit exercise while your partner did specific, increasing numbers of some other bullshit exercise.

And maybe you get to pick the least bullshit exercise. If you’re not partners with J-Vicious.

Maybe, if you’re not partners with J-Vicious, you can choose to do 32 slam balls instead of 32 burpees while your partner bear crawls around the gym.

Why did you pick burpees, Sunshine?

Why do you think I played any role in picking the exercises, B-Major???

I have no control here.

I relinquish all control when it comes to my fitness.

Because I can’t be trusted.

To not be lazy.

I will always always pick the easiest exercise. If allowed any form of control.

J-V, much like Skratch, will always always pick the bullshittiest exercise.

Except. And here’s my positive spin. J-V underestimates the impact that partnering with me. On the bullshittiest exercises. Will have on him.

He underestimates, for example, how long it will take me to get through 32 burpees. After having already done 2. Then 4. Then 8. Then 16. Along with a shit ton of bear crawls.

I modified the hell out of those last 32 burpees.

And it was a very slow modification.

I also learned that. When there are 45 seconds left in class. And it’s time to transition to the next exercise. It takes me exactly 45 seconds to get up off of the floor from 6 inch holds. To relocate to another part of the gym. To pretend like I’m going to get back down onto the floor. To do push-ups.

I’m not sure if J-V will ever force me to partner with him again.

Or if he’ll just figure out a way to make Skratch come to every partner workout.

Whatever the case, you can see how this might all be a pleasant experience. For everyone who is not me.

No need to be scared. Of J-Vicious. Or the gym.

(Also no need to ask Fall Risk or LL their thoughts…)

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