Pandemic Brain

“Why haven’t you learned anything I’ve taught you about cheating in gym class?”

Because I’m a pure soul incapable of deception?

See. The problem was. Fall Risk loves manmakers.

Are you familiar with this bullshit?

So you take a set of dumbbells. And you burpee with them. Except instead of just a standard bullshit burpee. You do a full push up. A renegade row on each arm. Then a squat thrust on the jump up.

Like, still bullshit. But, like, next level bullshit.

And it was the end of one of J-Vicious’s AMRAYC workouts. As many reps as you can.

And he kicked that shit off with regular bullshit burpees. So…

Yeah. By the time we hit the last round. And he said manmakers…

Sure. I picked up my 3 lb weights.


All of that is bullshit even without weights.

I think I was demonstrating solid decision making with my 3 pounders.

But then Fall Risk laughed.

Which drew J-V’s attention.

Which led to him yelling at me to pick up heavier weights.

The fuck, Fall Risk???

“Why didn’t you just put down the 3’s and pick them right back up again? He wouldn’t have noticed.”

I didn’t think of doing that…

That’s not how my brain works.

My brain is barely even working anymore anyway.

But here’s the thing. She wasn’t even laughing at me.

She was laughing at LL.

So why the fuck did I get in trouble???

Seriously. I need new gym people to distract J-V better.

But the heavier weights did help to beat the last lingering ounces of stress out of me. And I needed that.

Because I don’t know about y’all. But working in k-12 education is exponentially harder from home in this time of COVID than it ever was in the actual school. And y’all know I was crying on a near daily basis back then.

My brain stays tired now.

And we all know my brain already bounces all over the place looking for information at a fairly frantic pace anyway.

Seriously. I couldn’t find shit in there as it was.

This pandemic isn’t helping.

I’ve lost half my damn mind.

But the strength training is helping to distract from the pandemic stress. And all the road miles I’m running.

So when some folks…

And ok. I feel like I can’t identify folks I run with anymore. Because some of y’all losing your minds over the idea of people even being outside. Let alone running together. Even if we’re distancing while we do it. And not crawling all over each other. And so maybe I need to use totally different nicknames to protect their identities. So you don’t lose your shit on them. Except my brain is a mess. And I can barely find the real nicknames in there. I’m sure as fuck not gonna find fake ones. And all you’ve gotta do is look at our fucking Strava maps to figure it out. So whatever.

When some folks said they were getting in a little strength interval run. I jumped on board. Frantically. And desperately. But again, without touching anyone.

And I was rewarded with beautiful sunset views.

Five miles of squats and push ups.

Parking lot refreshments.

And highly questionable conversation.

Like, conversation so questionable that…

Ok. I’m not gonna share the potential “experimental cure for COVID” that was suggested. Because y’all not ready for that.

But I worried maybe I should call somebody? Like some sort of authoritative agency? Except police ain’t responding to shit right now. Life is becoming one giant installment of The Purge. Which I’ve never seen. Because horror movie. But I know it means I need to be prepared to handle would be criminals on my own. And also, I think it should mean that we can throat punch random assholes that are walking through grocery stores coughing on all the food and elderlies. You know, to help the authorities out. Like, y’all respond to the folks with the guns. We’ll handle these little dumbasses over here. We got this.

But also. This definitely not ok potential “experimental cure for COVID” had me laughing hard enough. As we ran. That I peed. In my shorts.

And I haven’t done that for a while.

Because quarantine.

And that’s how I know I’m gonna be alright.

If I can just keep connecting with the people that make me pee my pants on the regular. Then I can manage my pandemic brain.

But seriously. Y’all start coming to these PlayFITStayFIT classes. If there are enough of us in there, he can’t tell how heavy our weights are.

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