Return to PFSF. Kind Of.

So, everything hurts.

I haven’t been going to the gym.

You may have noticed. My lack of whining and complaining. About J-Vicious.

I still whine and complain. About the other stuff. All of the other stuff.

And I’m completely incapable of motivating myself through my own made up strength training.

I have to be told what to do.

I’m very compliant. With other people. With myself, I’m just a rebellious brat.

I make enough decisions in other areas of my life. If I have to make up my own strength workout, I’ll just settle into child’s pose for an hour.

So, I’ve been doing this strength program. By some top personal trainer. Described as “extremely intense.” On the Google.

And. I mean. I haven’t been killing it in those workouts. I’ve been struggling to keep up. Maybe modifying some stuff.

But I’ve been mostly doing them.

Like, 4-6 days a week.

So, I should be in fairly ok shape. Right?

Like, my thought process is. My running mileage may be down right now. And I am eating absolute crap. And perhaps I’m drinking a tad more than normal.

But at least if I can keep up some intense cardio and strength training. I’ll be ok when I finally have the personal and emotional space to get back out on the mountains.

But then J-V brought his virtual PlayFITStayFIT workouts back.

These are the recordings of the virtual workouts we did back in the spring.

And some of us are experiencing increasing Covid anxieties. Over the increasing Covid.

But we still need socials.

And fitness.

So we decided to do a virtual PFSF workout. Together. At 5pm. Yesterday.

Just like the old days…

And I don’t know why I thought I was in any kind of shape to do this.

I don’t know why I thought that a J-Vicious workout would be easy compared to the “extremely intense” workouts professional trainer dude created.

Maybe because I was running 60 miles a week and still in decent shape the last time I did a J-V workout.

But damn.

And imma be real. I was starving after work. Because I haven’t gone to the grocery store in over a week. And I have no food in my home. So I have no lunch to take to work. So I only have snackies to eat during the day. And someone keeps taking them and hiding them from me. And maybe it makes me crazy while it’s happening. Because hunger anger. But also maybe I need people to do that. But also I know who it is and I will hurt him if it continues. But also I probably should go buy actual food and start eating actual meals again

Anyway. So I stopped for Chinese food on my way home.

And probably stood in my kitchen at 4:45 shoving Szechuan wontons into my face. While staring at my sports bra and running shorts. Resentfully.

At 4:55 I messaged my crew. To see if maybe we changed our minds. And I could just put my jammies on instead.

“Y’all wearing sports bras right now or no?”

And one of them was. So, fine. Let’s do this.

And for whatever reason, I picked the May 4th workout. I assume because Mandalorian is back. And I’m a dork.

And it was a neighbor workout. Which I still have a little bit of PTSD over. From when I always had to be J-V’s neighbor. Because he likes when people cry. And I’m an easy mark.

But here’s the beauty of doing one of J-V’s recorded virtual workouts.

He can’t see you.

He can’t see you maybe only doing 18 push ups instead of 25.

He can’t see you maybe not counting at all. Because let’s be real. We’re all running on limited brain power these days. I definitely do not have brain space to both force myself to continue chest pressing. And counting.

He can’t see you messaging hate comments back and forth with your crew.

He can’t see you definitely not doing the 6 inch hold for more than 3 seconds at a time because you absolutely still cannot breath while doing those.

I need oxygen!

He can’t see you maybe just doing push ups instead of full manmakers. Because manmakers are next level burpee evil.

He can’t see you struggling to do a freaking wall push-up. Y’all. I can’t push up. On. A. Wall. Anymore. That is literally one of the easiest fitness moves ever created. And I can’t do more than 12 without tapping out.

And he can’t see one of your crew. I won’t say which one. Just sending motivational gifs. Instead of doing the actual workout with us.

But we did it.

Two of us, anyway.

Two of us did the workout.

And now. After one workout back. To PFSF. I’m struggling.

Not, like, to the level that I probably should be. If I’d done the workout as J-V intended.

Because his intention is always to make it impossible for you to go about normal daily activities without whimpering.

If you can brush your teeth the next day without crying. You’re not working hard enough.

But dragging myself out of bed was definitely a struggle. A struggle I’ve kind of missed.

Because where’s the fun in just sitting up and walking to the kitchen? Like a normal grown human?

Pain is always better.

Now. If you’ll excuse me. I have to go find a spot to hide my Chinese leftovers. So I can actually eat something at work today.

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