Ick Diagnosis

The worst part of living beneath what I assume is a drug dealer.

Is that he is home just always.

Just always home.

This mother fucker never leaves the damn apartment.

Just keeps his obnoxious ass up there. Just always. Annoying the fuck out of me.

Awake until unseemly hours in the morning.

Just living life. Loudly. All damn night.

Seriously. Take your hyperactive ass to bed already.

Every time he does that dumb ass fake sounding cough. Which is approximately every 10 minutes. I want to stab him in the throat. To make it stop.

It’s a service. I’m willing to provide him.

Every time he laughs. I want to steal his joy. To make him shut. The actual fuck. Up.

It’s possible my ick has made me a tad crankier. Than normal.

Rogue has diagnosed me with a sinus infection.

Fall Risk has confirmed her diagnosis. By way of a second opinion.

Neither believes my body is capable of defeating this infection on its own.

I disagree.

Why else would my healthcare provider have been so unconcerned about my condition yesterday?

I told them. I was sick.

Walked into the waiting room. And, as per the directions on the multiple signs, I advised the receptionist that I was sick.

“Ok. We have some paperwork for you to complete.”


Guess I’ll just go sit over here. In the “Well Patients Area.” And fill this out.

Went back with the nurse for the pre-visit basics. And told her I was sick.

“Ok. Do you have any sisters?”






“What kind?”

What kind of what?

“What kind of penicillin are you allergic to?”

The…medicine kind…?

“No no. There are different kinds.”

And then she took to naming the infinite types of penicillin that exist in the world.

Ummmm…I’m allergic to…the antibiotic kind…that they gave me when I was 13 years old…

I don’t know…what kind…

This feels like a conversation I should have had before now…

“Ok. Let’s go with Penicillin G.”




Yes. I do that.

I mean, not right now. Because I’m sick.

But normally. I do that. A lot.

“Ok. The doctor will be right in.”

And the doctor came in. And asked why I was there.

And this may have been my mistake.

Because she followed up with, “Oh. You’re just here to establish yourself as a new patient. Got it.”

And I didn’t argue that.

Because it was true.

And I needed my work insurance form completed.

So I can save the money.

But also…I’m sick…

But then we started talking about things like my essential tremor. And my depression and anxiety. And how I’m the “only thin person” she has ever seen on Depo Provera.

Well, thank you. I workout.

So we never really got back around to my sick symptoms.

Of course, at that point, I also just figured I had a head cold.

And didn’t need to be such a little bitch about it.

But the radioactive color mucous. That I’m producing. Today. Led Rogue and Fall Risk to diagnose a sinus infection.

And not just a sign that I’m developing super hero powers.

That I have decided to just work through.

On my own.

Surrounded by my books.

And writing implements.

For the duration of winter break.

And then I will wake up. Monday morning. Magically well. And ready for an entire semester of just really enjoyable work.

Until then. I’m going to watch nonstop telenovelas. At top volume. Starting at 8am. Every day. To get Invisible Roommate on a normal human sleep schedule.

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