Shine My Way

Last week a teacher came into my office. Sat down. And said, “Have you just hit a wall this week? Like…I’ve got nothing left.”

Dude. Yes. I woke up this morning thinking, I’m not gonna make it to Saturday. Let alone Spring Break.

“Right?”

…this was Friday…

I don’t know what happened in the time-space continuum last week. But shit was wonky as fuck.

Like. Some sort of weird time lapse happened. To slow time all the way down. While also stealing all of the time. And energy.

I can’t even explain it.

I think I may have managed a run and strength workout after work on Monday. Before my brain realized what was happening.

But then it all becomes a bit of a blur.

I would somehow manage to make it home. Just in time for my brain to shut all the way down. And take my body offline. And we’d just be passed the hell out on the couch. By 4:30pm.

Just ignoring all the things that needed to get done.

The cleaning.

And laundry.

And other jobs.

And fitness.

And the books people keep giving me to read.

I’ve got just a pile of books given to me by people. To read.

Which I normally love. I love getting books from people.

But they keep pressuring me.

“Did you read it yet?”

My brain is barely managing to process days of the week anymore. I am physically incapable of reading right now. I am no longer literate. I have no more literacy.

What if I give it back to you and you read it to me?

“That’s cheating.”

It absolutely is not cheating.

It’s how the children learn to read.

If y’all would just start reading these books to me. Instead of pressuring me to read them myself. You could re-literate me.

Besides, I actually wrote and published a book. Have you read my book? No?

Then sit down.

I’ll read your rec when I read it.

Probably not before June.

On Friday, one of our kids performed one of the leads. In our school play.

And immediately after. At 9:30pm. Forensics AF drove him to Richmond.

Where the following morning. He won the State Forensics title.

Then Forensics AF drove him back to Moneta. So he could again perform. Last night.

That…

I don’t…

How.

I mean, sure. He’s a teenager. I remember having an ability to operate for extensive numbers of days without sleep as a teenager.

I never did anything nearly as badass or productive as he did with that time.

But I know it’s possible.

But Forensics AF?

Like, she’s grown.

Not quite as grown as me.

But still grown enough. That that amount of awake time. Particularly after the time lapse week. Should not have been physically. Or emotionally. Possible.

Teachers are superhuman.

I am not a teacher.

I am not superhuman.

I require rest.

And every damn day. Someone asks, “You testing today?”

Yes. Yes I am. I will be testing until the end of time.

Because the children. They won’t come to school.

So it’s like a little puzzle. Trying to find a child. Specific childs. To test them.

But way less fun than an actual puzzle.

And I don’t blame them. The childrens.

I don’t want to be there everyday, either.

I keep looking for a day when I can be sick. And stay home.

Because there are TWO WHOLE WEEKS left before Spring Break.

And I am not convinced we will ever get there.

I did make it to Saturday, though.

And my plan was to head over to Day Creek. To get in 20 miles. Because Blue Ridge Double Marathon.

But then Mother Nature got caught up in whatever bullshit is happening with the time-space continuum. And threw us back to winter.

And fuck if I wanna run in the cold anymore this year.

So Rogue gave me permission to not do that.

Because I absolutely have to have permission to not do things.

So instead I got to sleep in.

And clean Lagertha.

And do all the laundry.

And work on the other jobs.

And cook an actual meal.

And I am also refusing to go out and run in that bullshit today, either.

Just gonna sit on this couch all damn day.

Fantasizing about Spring Break.

And waiting for someone to come read to me.