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Race Accountability

They say when you want to achieve a goal, you share it. That way others help you maintain your accountability. Or, in my case, race accountability.

I accidentally shared with my boss that I’m running Mountain Masochist 50 Miler in November.

She put it in her calendar. She put it. In her calendar.

And told other people at the company. At an international company.

You can’t…I can’t…there’s no backing out now…like, just not running it is no longer an option.

I like options…

So now I’m accountable to my boss. And half an international company. To actually run this race.

The problem is. With coaching cross country in the evenings. And meets on the weekends. And starting my PMP certification classes…

I don’t have time to train.

(Yes, I was planning to train. It’s not like this is just some casual 50k. This is 50 miles. I was legit going to train.)

I barely survived that 35 mile run from Sunset Fields to James River Footbridge a few weeks ago.

And I’ve done exactly nothing since then.

I could. I could drag my reluctant self out of bed at 5am. And go run. Or I could force myself out the door after practice. To run.

And I won’t even pretend that it is because of recent events making me reluctant to do that. Run alone in the dark. Because my brain doesn’t process other people’s tragedy as something that could potentially happen to me.

I’m not scared to run alone in the dark.

I’m just too lazy to run alone in the dark.

I lack the motivation. And…accountability.

It’s purely the tired.

I just have all the tired right now. And even though I am absolutely awake at 5am. I am in no way physically or emotionally prepared to pull on a sports bra at 5am. Let alone walk out the actual front door at 5am.

But it’s ok. Because my boss has a plan.

(She is not playing with this accountability thing.)

“You should use some DTO for training days during the week.”


And see. I’m going to want to use those DTO days to sleep in. And catch up on chores. And reading the books. And just breath.

But my boss will absolutely ask me how my training run went. The next day.

Because race accountability.

And I can’t tell her I laid on my couch all day instead.

Remember that face I made at the start of loop two of the Blue Ridge Double Marathon?

Blue Ridge Double Marathon
My race accountability face

Yeah. That’s the face my brain is making at me. Over this race accountability.

All I know is. If I actually manage to finish this race. And don’t get a freaking race shirt. Because I can’t make the 13 hour cutoff. I…well, I’m gonna be pissy and pouty. For a really long time.

And I’m gonna be making my loop two of a double marathon face at anyone who even mentions the race.


Just reading and writing and running and looking for my happy place.


  1. Paula says:

    I’ve seen you crashing between runs on the double. You were face planted in your steering wheel. You definitely weren’t doing nothing after that run, just saving up energy for your next.

    1. Boy I was passed all the way out between loops. I wonder if Masochist will let me take a little nappy nap at the halfway point.

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