Insert Nickname Here

New Year New Me, right?

Had a salad for lunch. And then went straight to the gym after work.

My plan was to go for a quick run on the greenway before class.

But J-Vicious saw [Insert Nickname Here] walk past the gym. And into Dominos.

“Sunshine! I need you to run into Dominos and take a picture.”


I don’t require a lot of explanation for any given directive. My job has taught me to work off of very little information.

So I ran into Dominos. Saw [Insert Nickname Here] standing at the counter. With her gym bag on her shoulder. Wearing her PlayFITStayFIT “I’m not here to be average; I’m here to be awesome” shirt.

Snapped a photo. Of her awesomely ordering pizza.

And then ran back over to the gym.

“Did you get a picture?”

Of course I did.

“Oh. Hey. I need you to go back over and ask if that pizza is for her.”

Fuck’s sake. Ok.

Ran back over to Dominos and opened the door.

Ma’am, is that pizza for you?

“No. I have a text from my son. I can show you.”

Yes. We will require validation. We have a class starting in 20 minutes.

Ran back to the gym.

“Did you ask her?”

Of course. It’s for her son. She had written verification.

This is how my gym supports your fitness. J-V doesn’t just offer you solid workouts. He also coerces people to harass you in public to make good choices.

It’s that total fitness package.

We then spent the remaining 4 o’clock class debating what [Insert Nickname Here]’s blog name should be. Obviously we went with the Dominos theme. Domino. Doughgirl. Pepperoni. With Sausage.

I’m dissatisfied with all of them. Mostly I refuse to call anyone Doughgirl. And I can’t spell Pepperoni.

But I feel like she’s dedicated enough to both PlayFITStayFIT and the defiance of J-Vicious that a true nickname will make itself known. For now she’s [Insert Nickname Here].

Once the 4 o’clock class finally finished their workout, at exactly 5pm, West’s Sister, [Insert Nickname Here], and I started our workout. With the understanding that we would be finished by 5:48pm. Or whenever [Insert Nickname Here]’s pizza was delivered. Whichever came first. But we would not be there at 6pm.

“Here, put these on.”

…Whyyyy are we putting bands on? The first exercise says back squats.

“You’re gonna wear the bands for the whole workout.”

Well, that seems ill-advised.

“Just put them on and go get your weights for back squats.”

Weight selection is always an enjoyable time. Where you make the best choices for you. And J-Vicious tells you all about how wrong your choices are. And makes new ones for you.

My legs would argue that they are worse choices. But I also just do what I’m told. Totally compliantly. Without complaint. I’m an excellent student.

Pro Tip: If you make the wrong weight choice at the start of an exercise. And then act all confused when J-V directs you to a different weight choice. And maybe argue with him about it. You can knock a solid 30 seconds off of the 90 second interval.

And by the time you get to hamstring holds. You’re gonna want those 30 seconds.

It was somewhere around that time that I offered to go over to Dominos and harass some more customers.

I’m just worried about peoples’ health.

I’m super selfless.

Made it through an entire round of front squats before J-V made me change weights. And then went into a lecture on form.

But I’m pretty sure my clavicle is built different. Because I can’t hold a barbell up there.

That little debate damn near used up the whole 90 seconds.

And let me tell you. 90 seconds doesn’t sound like a lot of time in the natural world. But it is an eternity in the world of HIIT. Smack in the middle of leg day.

But I need those 90 seconds to make my legs stronger. So they can carry the extra 40 pounds I’ve collected. On up the mountains Beautiful Beastie makes me run/crawl.

It’s ok though. I had a salad for dinner, too. So I’m obviously super skinny now.

Looking forward to arm day today. Choosing those weights is always hard. Takes up so much time…

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