Remember that time an imaginary train panicked me into falling quite dramatically across some train tracks? And I bled out down the greenway for many miles?

And then I fell again. At Montvale?

And then almost got stranded on top of a mountain. Fifteen miles into a 40 mile ultra. With a nonfunctional knee. And had to give up life. Or at least that race. Twenty miles in.

So my elbow is worse.

No I know. It makes absolute sense that all those knee challenges would manifest in my elbow.

To be fair, my knee is also still painful. It’s just, my elbow has suddenly become all screamy and bitchy.

So after a week of waking up unable to bend either my right knee or left elbow. I went on ahead to the doctor.

Because I’ve got Promiseland 50k (++) next weekend. I need to be fixed before that. I don’t wanna live at Apple Orchard Falls.

Also I can only go so much longer without lifting weights before I balloon back up.

Doctor praised me for losing 6 pounds since the start of the year. Then made some sympathy noises at me. Then said words like bursitis & meniscus strain & bone bruise & tendinitis & tennis elbow. Even though I don’t play tennis.

She did use the word “probably” in front of each of those words. So we don’t really know what’s real.

And then she put me on the roids. And handed me a bunch of papers with exercises and care instructions on them. Told me to get some braces. For all the places. Keep icing things. And for the love of all that’s good, take some damn ibuprofen.

And maybe try biking. Instead of running. For a while.

Then she sent me on my way and told me to “keep in touch.”

I also recently got a promotion. The biggest promotion of my life. So far.

Which means that I really have to start living by California time. Since that’s where most of my bosses are. Which mostly prevents me from making PlayFITStayFIT classes in the evenings.

So all of that culminated into me joining Planet Fitness. T

hey have the bikes.

And 24 hour availability. So I can go when the other humans aren’t there.

They also have a spa room. With hydro massage beds.

Which, I mean, there are obvious questions, right?

Do I just strip down in there?

PF Child Attendant: “What do you mean?”

Do I get naked in there or do I need to go home and get a bathing suit?

PF: “No, you…just…wear what you’re wearing.”

Ok, but…

PF: “Ma’am, the water doesn’t actually touch you.”

But…it’s a ‘hydro’ massage.

PF: “Ma’am the water is inside the machine. You just keep your clothes on like normal.”

(Like a normal person, is what the child wanted to say.)

(And maybe we stop throwing the title ‘ma’am’ around quite so much.)

And second child attendant behind her just giggling. Like I’m the idiot.

(I just got a promotion, I’ll have you know. My boss thinks I’m really smart.)

I just…hydromassage, you know? I pictured small fire hoses shooting water at my back.

Which sounds highly effective.

And I bet if they weren’t ‘ma’aming’ me so much they wouldn’t be insisting I keep my clothes on.

But you’re all welcome. Now you know. Do NOT strip down in the Black Card Spa Room.

They’re probably gonna bump me back down to a standard membership now…