I ran Mill Mountain three times in 10 hours this week.
And then jumped straight into leg day.
I didn’t even have to do that during the Blue Ridge Double.
Pro tip: Don’t spend the hour after leg day sleeping in your car.
Because the car extrication process is going to be painful and graceless.
Maybe you even end up lying face down in the middle of the church parking lot outside of your job for a few minutes as you process what just happened and where you are and what is life, and then bargain with your legs to get them to work again by promising them copious amounts of coffee for the rest of the day.
And maybe they listen.
Also, probably don’t tell a bunch of women that you’re gonna show up for the 3am run before leg day and then not actually show up for the 3am run before leg day. And then go to leg day.
Because the badass chicks that did show up for 7 mountain miles at 3am will continually shove the heavy weights into your hands when Tiny Brazilian closes out the class with Sally Squats.
Poor Finn’s Dad.
Skratch and Franklin County Shine didn’t even show up for class.
But also smart.
After Sunday’s fun day of trails and Spartan training and other adventures, I took a rest day.
I damn near climbed the rope.
I been working on that for years.
I’ll have it by end of month.
That’s 30 fewer burpees imma have to do in Asheville next month.
I’d publicly thank J-Vicious for the arm strength to do that, but he has his phone set to automatically reject any event invitations from me. And that’s just hurtful.
I had a nice rest day Monday.
Read a little.
Binged on The Office in preparation for Thursday’s The Office Trivia night after our Hammer & Forge Shine Runners run.
But rest day is over.
Like really over.
I was gonna just ease back into the workout week with a gentle 5 mile loop of Mill Mountain Tuesday night.
But they changed the RVTR Tuesday run start time back to 6pm. So I had an hour to kill after work.
My plan was to run the loop as fast as possible, because that’s part of this month’s RVTR challenge, and get back to my car so I could leave before anyone else got there.
Have you ever run as fast as you can on a relentlessly steep downhill road?
It pisses things off.
My knees wanted to know if they were being punished for enjoying rest day a little too much.
My hips (and Rogue) reminded me that they already have no sway. They not afraid to lock the hell on up and ruin any potential future date night forever.
My Achilles just threatens to snap every now and then, but no longer puts any real emotion into it. She’s totally over me.
But I ran that bitch all out. And STILL didn’t make it back to my car in time.
Because GJB, who was sporting ample bosoms and a large belly, shoved a balloon at me and told me to stuff it into my shirt.
Which I did.
I don’t tend to question things.
I’m pretty submissive.
After the runner of honor arrived and photo ops were exhausted, they made me run. Mill Mountain. Again.
I guess this is how we celebrate people getting knocked up now.
Forcing immense amounts of pain onto the unpreganated ones as a show of solidarity to the impregnated one.
And because my people are a special kind of pain seeker, I ended up back at PlayFITStayFIT at 3:00 am the next morning.
To run Mill Mountain.
And then get my Tiny Brazilian Leg Day HIIT workout in.
A few dudes were committed to run it.
They didn’t show.
Finn’s Dad missed it even after K-Rob-D & Track Star stalked his entire family outside of his house in the middle of the night.
I guess that’s how we’re recruiting other crazies now.
So it ended up being an all-female power group taking on the night.
And the judgy Greenway drunkards.
“Do you see that? Either those people are super drunk or they’re actually running.”
And the Mill Mountain Chupacabras.
B Major was feeling the knee pain pretty intensely on the mountain and was starting to slow down. Until she heard the definitive sound of a Chupacabra in the trees next to us. And then she turned into Manute Bol.
But it was a damn struggle. And I appreciate B Major sticking with me the whole way up. And the continual thoughts and prayers from the others every time they turned back to see if we were ok.
Tiny Brazilian kept yelling back at us to “move it!” up the mountain.
“Just jiggle your light up and down. It’ll look like we’re running.”
B Major is a freakin genius.
And I mean, kudos to Finn’s Dad for having the balls to show up for Leg Day after leaving K-Rob and Track Star sitting outside in the middle of the night waiting for him for 20 minutes.
You know we’re all gonna make sure that Tiny Brazilian hounds you the entire class.
Totally out of love.
Because we all want you to grow.
And also whimper and whine a little bit while you do it.
He has another chance at redemption next week.
I already created the Facebook event for it.
And invited the people that want or should want to be involved.
J-Vicious rejected the invitation within a split second of me sending it.
I’m pretty sure he has some sort of alert on his phone that is set to send an automatic NO when it sees my name.
Whatevs. B Major is the better half of that union anyway and I feel like maybe I can talk her back out for another go.
Because we bonded. Over thoughts and prayers. And chupacabras.
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