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Christmas Mountain Waterpark

Water parks in February.

Wouldn’t have been my first choice.

But I was in a dark place this weekend. For a few reasons. Mostly just one. One is really all it takes to send me into the darkness these days.

I blame hormones.

And assholes.

So GJB put Christmas Mountain on the schedule. More as a directive. Than a request.

I was promised sun. And warm temps.

I got this

Cold. Just rainy, dreary, cloudy cold.

And I couldn’t even get over to the fun rock.

Because the rocks have shifted.

And my tiny legs can’t manage the gap anymore. Without a panic attack.

So I just sit separate from the group now.

Good thing I don’t get all weird and emotional about being left out…

But GJB also promised us a waterfall.

And I don’t know why it has taken him this long to reveal the waterfall. I don’t think it’s a new feature on Christmas Mountain. I don’t know where he’s been hiding it the last 20 summits.

But we came down the mountain.

And then went back up.

Stopped by one of those classic historical homes.

That was landscaped with yucca plants and other high saddidy things that I don’t know the names of but I could tell from Beautiful Beastie’s tone as she was identifying them that they were bougie.

But then. As we were coming back down to the water park. BB spotted a tree.


Well, that’s a butthole.

And so we called GJB back.

And y’all.

His eyes.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone experience such immediate shocked delight from nature.

It was one of the purest moments of awe. And excitement. I’ve ever witnessed.

And after a while. An uncomfortably long amount of time. We moved on.

To the waterfall.

And it was pretty.

And cold.

Like, super cold.

And BB and GJB did some waterfall yoga.

Which seems foolish.

Because. Like. Dude. It’s the last day of February. That’s how you get the hypothermia.

But then we went a little downstream.

And the mountain tried to eat BB.

And you know those memes where people say they thought based on their childhood that quicksand was going to be a bigger threat than it actually is?

When I say the mountain tried to eat BB. I mean the mountain tried to eat BB.

Thank fuck we’d all watched all those Saturday morning cartoons. So we knew exactly what to do.

And no sooner did we reclaim BB from the mountain quicksand trap. Than she found a brand new hazard.

The water slide feature they’d apparently just installed this year.

And when I say that BB is a badass. I mean she is a first to slide down the water slide and slam into a tree limb without getting impailed. Or spilling her beer. Level of badass.

And once she’d moved the tree out of my way…

See the pure joy? And happiness? Turn into legit panic?

That was the moment I realized that I’d forgotten my insurance card at home.

It was fine. I was fine. Everything was fine.

So I’m feeling better about life. After that.

We’ll see how my body holds up from the water slide after a good night’s sleep…

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Just reading and writing and running and looking for my happy place.


  1. Marty Winn says:

    Thanks, glad to have another blog post. This one was particularly funny. I tried 3 browsers, 2 of them wouldn’t play the video at all. 1 played the audio but no video. Feel like I’m missing out.

    1. I can manage to throw my thoughts down I’m a jumble of words, but technology beyond that eludes me. Pity.

  2. Marty Winn says:

    Facebook came through. Could view the videos there. Was not to be missed. I can’t believe you all sat down in it. It’s February.

    1. Correction. GJB and BB sat down in it. I fell into it. At the bottom of the slide. Mine was purely accidental. No way I could’ve anticipated that would happen…

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