Where Have All The Water Balloons Gone?

I would like to leave now, please.

“No. You’re going to just sit in this for a bit.”

Because Rogue enjoys the absurd. A little too much. And Fall Risk is impervious to it.

What had happened was we were having pre-movie dinner. And two women walked in. And one of them waved. In our general direction. And none of us waved back. Because we didn’t know her.

But then I looked at her again and realized I did know her. So I began waving back. Very insistently. But she had already lost interest. And was turned towards the food. But her friend was watching me. And I mouthed, “I’m trying to make up for not acknowledging her the first time.” And kept waving. Like an idiot. Until her friend pointed me out. And the woman looked at me. Annoyed. Because…

Nope. Sure don’t know her.

I would like to leave now, please.

“No. You’re going to just sit in this for a bit.”

And she just took her sweet time finishing her last few bites of food.

Shortly after this, they allowed me to make my escape from the restaurant over to the movie theater.

Where I promptly went to the restroom. And opened a stall door on a woman peeing.

I should probably just go home now.

But I didn’t. I stayed. For the movie. Because we all agreed that the bathroom incident wasn’t my fault. And also mostly that it wasn’t a big deal.

Because we are so unfazed by people seeing our parts. That we assume the rest of the world should be, too.

And this movie. The new Top Gun.

Look, I just came out of a six year stint in public education. The trauma and stress are still lingering.

I did not need the stress of that movie.

By the end, I was curled up into my seat with my head in my hand just trying to unclench my jaw.

I didn’t even really want to see the movie. I wasn’t actually told what movie we were going to see. I was just told to report at 6pm.

And I almost always do what I’m told.

So when Fall Risk told me to report to PlayFITStayFIT leg day the next day. I did.

And walked into the gym. To find J-Vicious on the phone aggressively defending his water balloon budget? I don’t know. It was an odd conversation.

And then B-Major showed up.

And collected the children.

And left…

Soooo, she’s not working out with us??

“No. The children shouldn’t be here for this.”

But…family gym…why must the children…shouldn’t be here for what???

So, you know how stressful my job was this year? How much I complained. And drank. And cussed. Just to make it to June?

Yeah, that’s what all standard public educators experienced this year.

All standard public educators except J-Vicious.

And every time I didn’t make it to class, J-V would ask why. And I’d say I work in public education. And he’d say “so do I.” And I’d say, “but do you really.”

He’s an elementary school gym teacher.

And I don’t know how he escaped the stress of the 2021-2022 school year.

But apparently the universe saved it alllll up for this one day.

Field Day.

And before class, we were all regaled with stories of station confusion.

“If I set the stations up. And number them 1-7. And you start your class at station 5. Which station should be next?”

Oh! I know this one! Six!

“Yes! Whyyyy was there a class at random stations? And a teacher confused by the station circle. It’s a fucking circle!!! Just follow the fucking circle!!!”

Oh! I know this one, too! Because adults in charge are stupid!

And there were stories about 300 missing water balloons. That were supposed to be used to cool the kids off. And now they just all have to fall out from heat exhaustion. Because adults in charge. And budget overages. Because unused workers comp bouncy houses.

And he kept circling back to the inability to follow the stations in order.

“If you start at station five, you move to station six next! It’s not rocket science! You have a freakin degree!! Just move around the fucking circle!!!”

And a lot of f-words thrown around. And not by me.

And that was all before class started.

So, Fall Risk and Big Lick and I are just standing there dutifully listening to him explain the workout. Angrily.

And I should have just…listened. And done what I was told.

But I mean, I couldn’t just let this opportunity just go, right?

I couldn’t not ask the question.

“Yes, so…what comes after station five?”

And he has this little vein. In the side of his head…

“Go get your weights.”

Yes sir.

At one point, I think I heard Big Lick mumble, “Sure wish we had some water balloons to cool us off.”

I was pretty sure J-V’s head was about to spin right off of his body.

I will say that listening to my trainer have a full on temper tantrum for an hour makes the workout much more entertaining.

Dude. Alllll of this stress you just unloaded all over us? Because of this one day? That was my job every fucking day this year. Welcome to public education. Finally. Thanks for catching up.

It was also kind of cathartic.

I don’t ever have to experience that particular brand of stress ever again.

I mean, I’m sure my new job will have it’s stressful days.

But post-pandemic public education stress hits different.

And now I only have to listen to my friends experience it. And my trainer. But only on that one day. At the end of the year.

I love field day.

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