Full Car Inspection

“Good morning. How can I help you.”

I have an appointment. Sunshine.

“Says here you’re getting a full car inspection.”

Yes.

“No.”

…Yes…

“No. That’s not what you want.”

Yes…It is, though. The state says…

“You want a state inspection.”

…Yes…

“You can’t schedule a state inspection.”

Ok, but I did…

“You scheduled a full car inspection.”

I’m not hearing the diff-…those sound like the same words.

“You scheduled a full car inspection . You want a state inspection. But you can’t schedule those.”

Ok…cool. But…can I have one…?

“Yes. We can get you in for that.”

Why…do I continue to have these conversations about things that are the same, but also are not??

At any rate, I handed dude my keys. And asked him to call me when they were done. Inspecting. State inspecting my car. Not…full inspecting. That sounds like something I probably can’t afford. But also exactly the same as state inspecting.

And so I went on across the street.

To work.

And did work. Helped pack school supplies into backpacks. Wrote inspiring cards to put in the backpacks.

Co-workers and I had some debate surrounding what to write on the cards.

We all agreed that “Go be fucking awesome” was probably inappropriate. For this age group. But “Go be f**king awesome” might be ok.

And it was an enjoyable time.

Except I was really trying to maintain some distance. Between my co-workers. And me.

And when they started taking pictures. For websites and shit. I had to finally explain my reluctance.

I just…I haven’t showered yet today. Remember how I broke the faucet the other day? And it ran wide open for hours? Until maintenance dude fixed it? So Universe has punished me today with a water main break. That shut off my water. Again. For the second time this month.

So, I’m gross.

“Dude. Just shower downstairs.”

We have a shower downstairs??

“Yep. Right outside of the gym.”

Dammit.

But dude finally called. Telling me my car was perfect. And ready to be picked up.

So, I went. Eagerly. Across the street. To pick up my car.

Walked in to…

Same dude from this morning. *SIGH*

“Can I help you.”

I’m here to pick up my car.

“No.”

(My brain just kind of looking around…processing…)

…ummm, ok, but, see, I haven’t showered yet and I could walk home because I’m a runner so I could walk the three miles to my house but my gym clothes are in my car and I said I’d go to arm day

“Ok. I got you.”

Sometimes. Much of the time, actually. When I’m in the right head space. I fully enjoy playful strangers. I welcome the opportunity for random stranger banter. As long as it has a reasonable ending. Like, a 6 minute time limit. Seems on the far end of reasonable.

But the day Universe is intentionally fucking with your grooming habits. Is absolutely not the right day. And I’m going to include the morning’s interaction as the start time. So this dude was looking at a five hour random stranger banter sesh.

That’s wayyy outside of the six minute time limit.

Also, I obviously complained about this whole ‘can’t make an appointment for a state inspection’ bullshit to Rogue and Fall Risk. Because that’s what that group chat is for.

And Fall Risk assured me that that absolutely is not a law. She googled it.

And then I remembered that the three of us have this conversation every year. Because…shocker…this is not the first time I have been in this scenario.

I just never remember it happening.

So I’m always shocked. And confused by it.

Next year, though. Next year I’m gonna be so ready for this conversation.

I’m gonna print some of Fall Risk’s Google pages. To take with. Because I’m old. And old people print the internet.

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