Incomplete Impromptu Road Trip

Sometimes you just need a road trip.

Had happy hour at work. Again. Yesterday. (These folks love to celebrate shit.)

So I sat there. With my beer. Watching them all talk. And laugh. And reminisce. About all the times that happened when I didn’t work there.

IT guy talked to me.

“You’re Sunshine.”

I am…that’s impressive…how did you…

“Your picture. I helped you with that ticket you submitted last week.”

Oh. Right. Yeah. My picture. Obviously not just my natural charm getting your attention…

But outside of that. I was just my normal awkward girl sitting uncomfortably alone in a group of people self.

And throughout the day. And I was sitting in meetings and working through projects. My phone kept alerting me. To a running conversation between Rogue and Fall Risk.

I couldn’t stop and read through the messages. But the glimpses told me that whatever was happening as Rogue tried to make her way home from the North. Wasn’t good.

It was really, really bad.

So when I got home. And Rogue sent the message that she was standing in the airport parking lot. Unable to find her car fob…

I thought, oh. I can run to the airport real quick. Then we can just go back and get her car when she finds her fob.

But then the thought occurred…she probably wouldn’t have used all the words she used if she were at Roanoke airport…

Where are you?


And it admittedly took my brain a little while. To process through the logistics. That we shouldn’t just go get her. Without a way to bring her car back with us.

I mean, I’m a project manager now. But I’m not certified yet. You can only expect so much from me.

But I did finally work it around in my brain.

Ok. Where is your spare fob? And also, what is your address?

(Note: I have been to Rogue’s house. Repeatedly. Many times. I will never know where Rogue’s house is.)

So, I drove on over to Rogue’s house. And broke in.

While Fall Risk canceled her date with the spare human. Because we will absolutely give up time with a spare human. To help out our travel partners.

I mean, really. Dating is the worst.

But also, we love Rogue. So Fall Risk totally sacrificed a quality evening she was absolutely looking forward to in order to help out Rogue. She wasn’t at all excited for the excuse.

So I headed to Rogue’s house. While Fall Risk finished making her hair cute. For us. And filled up her tank. For our impromptu road trip.

And I started searching Rogue’s home for her fob. Which is…it’s just a really odd sentence to write…

“At one time, I had it in one of the drawers by the front door.”

Ok. Well, that time has passed. Let’s try another time.

“Ok. Maybe in my office. In one of those drawers. Or on a shelf?”

I did get stuck. For a second. Between her stand up desk. And her really tall chair. Because my ass often underestimates its own size. And almost brought the whole system crashing down.

Also, why do you have a really tall chair. For your stand up desk…?

But I managed to break free and finish my sweep of the room.

No fob. Try again.

“Maybe in my bedroom? Beside my bed. One of those top drawers.”

Ok and there was no AC running in her house.

And I exist at 78 degrees in my house.

But my body was pretty quickly beginning to revolt.

And while Fall Risk was in spare human date condition. I hadn’t even bothered to put on a bra. And only managed to pull on some leggings. That have a hole in the rear area.

So the sweat. That was just running off of my boobs. Right on down my stomach…

It’s not in the bedroom. Try again.

“Dammit. Ok. Try the blue room. In some of those baskets. With random shit in them.”

Y’all. The blue room was hotter than her bedroom.

I almost died in the blue room.

And there were so many baskets.

And just about the time that Rogue was ready to unpack her belongings. And set up her new home. Inside the Richmond Airport.

I found it!!!!

And I quickly went outside.

To try to cool my body back down. Before I passed out.

Grabbed the old sock Fall Risk left in my car after our trip to the World’s Okayest National Park. And used it to sop up all of my boob sweat.

When she pulled up. She had her car set on arctic blast. So I could stop shoving her sock up under my boobs.

And we headed off towards Richmond.

And I was about to gps it. But Fall Risk just started driving. Like she knew exactly where she was going.

And when we hit 81. I finally shared my admiration. For how she had just maneuvered us right on out of the city and onto the highway. Unassisted.

“Well, I used to go to Richmond a couple times a month.”

I mean, I go to Rogue’s house a couple times a month…

Anyway. We started on our road trip. Chatting about life. And jobs. And the shit show that dating is.

We realized no one had eaten dinner yet.

But Fall Risk had thought to bring a can of Pringles with us. So we were probably gonna be fine.

And then we got the message.

“I’ve got my fob!”

Ok. Well that’s…I mean…do we just turn around now and go home…?

It’s just…it’s so anti-climactic.

And if none of us is going out with a spare human tonight. There should be some sort of climax. Somewhere.

But yay for finding the fob.

Because I’m gonna be real. When I got in the car. Fall Risk immediately asked, “Does that fob work? Do you think the battery could probably be dead?”

…yes, Fall Risk. Yes I do think that is a strong possibility.

Let’s just allow that adventure to happen when we get there.

So it’s probably best that she found her fob with the working battery.

So, we went back to Rogue’s house. Where The Boy was just pulling in the driveway.

“I was wondering whose car that was!”

Really? My plates didn’t clue you in?

“Yeah, I figured it out after I looked at the plates. But I was still confused. Since your car was here. But you weren’t.”

That’s fair. So, this is Rogue’s spare fob. She doesn’t need it now. She’s on her way home. But I’m gonna put it inside. In a place where it should be. So we can always find it.

“Oh, I can take it. I’m on my way in anyway.”

And I hesitated. Because I just went through some shit to find that fob. And I raised boys. I know that, in handing it to this still teenaged boy, that it was on its way back into the abyss.

*SIGH* ok. Here.

I’ll just…be sure to wear a bra next time I have to go searching for it.

Because we all know. There will absolutely be a next time.

Anyway. So now Rogue owes us a full road trip. Because she canceled ours halfway through.

And I’ve used the word “fob” way too much in the last 24 hours. I’m gonna need y’all to just have normal car keys from now on. Like the rest of us peasants.

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