169.2

I know. I know. I’m not supposed to care about the scale.

But for real? The scale is reflecting some pretty stark reality right now.

169.2

If you’ve struggled with your weight all of your life, I’m gonna sound pretty shitty right now. But look. I’ve lived most of my early life around 120 lbs.

When I hit 130, somewhere around my 30s, I was shocked. Almost panicked. I just never believed that I could ever “gain weight.”

I was one of those assholes that would drink Boost to try to gain weight.

But I was just trying to hit 125.

One hundred thirty was…not the goal.

Then I turned 40. And 130 quickly became 140. (I see what my body was doing there…)

But then the pandemic hit. And 140 just jumped straight to 160. I don’t even remember hitting 150.

And I have spent the last two years trying to get back down below 160. Because I can feel it in every non-stretchy pair of pants I put on. In every step I take up a mountain. In every pendulum lunge I struggle through.

So. When I stepped on the scale at the doctor’s office. And it flashed 170. For a split second. I stopped breathing in that moment. But then settled back on 169.2. And my brain basically shut down.

This is not ok.

It hasn’t felt ok for a few years. But something about seeing that number flash on the screen made the not ok very, very real.

It’s not entirely about how I look. Overall, I’m pretty ok with my body’s appearance. My boss says I carry it well. She obviously doesn’t see me actively sucking in my stomach all day. Refusing to take a full breath for 8 solid hours. Praying that the button of my jeans doesn’t just go shooting across the office taking someone’s eye out.

But have you ever carried a 20 pound medicine ball up a mountain? How about a 30? Or a 40?

I’m basically carrying a 40 pound medicine ball up and down mountains every weekend. It’s just that the medicine ball is in the form of my ass. And stomach.

That shit is…hard.

No wonder I’ve got various injuries popping up all the time.

Luckily, this scale encounter occurred on December 30th. Just in time for New Year’s Resolutions.

Just really excellent timing.

And so far this year, I’ve been pretty good about getting to PlayFITStayFIT regularly. And I haven’t bought potato chips in two weeks.

I actually actively rejected two separate offers of Doritos this week.

Y’all. I rejected Doritos.

I don’t plan to become obsessed with the number on the scale. But I do plan to throw it through the window of PlayFITStayFIT if it doesn’t start acting right.

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Just reading and writing and running and looking for my happy place.

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